


Tumblr Fic Collection

by xNoLights



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Mass Effect, Original Work
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fenis in Mass Effect, Fluff, Hawris - Freeform, M/M, Mass Effect crossover, Modern AU, My fictional world, Romance, Trans Character, Twin AU, fenhawke - Freeform, healing through writing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-18 21:30:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 35,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8176711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xNoLights/pseuds/xNoLights
Summary: Random story dump that i post on tumblr.





	1. Chapter list

Crack fic blurb 1

Crack fic blurb 2

Crack fic blurb 3

Mass Effect Caius / Fenris 1

Mass Effect Caius / Fenris 2

Mass Effect Caius / Fenris 3

Kay and Tali 1

Fenhawke

Fenhawke

Mass Effect Caius / Fenris 4

Fenhawke

Fenhawke

Mass Effect Caius / Fenris 5

Fenhawke 

Fenhawke

Fenhawke - Twin Universe

Fenhawke - Modern AU Twin Universe

Fenhawke - Modern AU Twin Universe

Fenhawke - Modern AU Twin Universe

Fenhawke - Modern AU Twin Universe

Cairis Universe

Cairis Universe

Cairis Universe

Cairis Universe


	2. Chapter 2

            _“I wouldn’t force you to stay if you don’t want to; that thought has never crossed my mind and never will. You’re a free man Fenris; you have been since you decided to escape from slavery. Freedom isn’t just running… it’s a state of mind. I love you too much to ever jeopardize that for you. ”_

He lay on his side, his right arm tucked under his head, while he toyed with the end of the red strip of fabric he’d pulled from her sash in his left hand. He was a coward, how could he have just run like that?  
            Kay was right, he was an idiot. For three years all he had ever done was look at Hawke and feel warmth he had never dreamed of feeling before. He’d felt fire burn in his chest when she would coddle The Mage and touch her head to his. He’d felt the chilling grip of fear every time she’d acted on instinct and ran into danger head first.   
            Why hadn’t he realized it sooner? That the idea of living without Hawke in his life was far too much for him? Why had he suddenly felt as if Hawke and he had been moving too fast? It had just been fear, the fear of finally having something so good and to only watch it be taken away. It’d never even crossed his mind that he could be the one to take away that joy.   
            They’d danced around each other for three years. Three years of her bright smiles and soothing head touches. Three years of his discreet touches and small smiles. Three years of knowing how badly he wanted to be the one to take her pain away like how she ripped through his fears.   
            Kay was right; he was a stupid, moronic man. He’d ran from the one thing he now could barely breathe without two weeks ago.

            Now… she was gone. She hadn’t shown it to anyone how much pain she was in. She hadn’t let anyone in on the cold and hurt that had taken over her heart. Even Eva had been shocked and fooled by her completely fine façade. Everyone had been fooled by Hawke’s air of stability. Then she’d just left; in the middle of the night. She hadn’t taken anything… even Kier had been ordered to stay. She’d just grabbed her coat and silently walked out the door. She’d walked out of Kirkwall… and vanished.   
            The only one who had known anything was Kay; Kay, who was everyone’s big brother and emotional protector. Kay had been the one to sense her trouble and learn of her feelings. Fenris had been furious at first, how could have Kay just let her walk?

            _“And what does it matter to you Fenris? You’re the one who left her.”_

He had been the one to leave.

            _“She told you how much she cared for you, and you were still scared. She reminded you how she would never trap you or cage you… and you still ran.”_

            He hadn’t put the trust in neither himself nor Hawke.

            _“If anyone understands your pain and hurt, it is Hawke. You’ve told me this yourself.”_

She was the one who understood what made him wake in the night in cold sweats. She’d never once questioned when he’d sought her out to just let her presence chase away the nightmares. She’d openly admitted to him that she’d never been a slave, but she knew what it was like to have no freedom and only feel pain. He’d experienced it for years. She’d only experienced it for a few months. She knew though, she knew of the panic that froze one’s heart when someone looked at them a certain way or someone touched them in a distinctive manner.

            _“She took the risk and it broke her. She tried to keep it together but couldn’t. She left because she hurt to see you and she could see how much you hurt to see her. She gave up all of this and made sure you had the comfort.”_  
            “No one is comforting me.”  
            “Because you ran away from the one person who knew how to! She even asked me to make sure you weren’t alone. She’s out there somewhere without a staff, with just a coat, no money or food, or anything and completely alone!”  
            “Then she is a fool!”  
            “We’re all fools in love you daft idiot!”   
            “What do you want me to do?!”  
            Kay had just stared at him, his clouded eyes boring right into him before he spoke, “Nothing. She made the choice for you… like she asked, and because I care for you… I will be here when and IF you come to your senses.” 

“ _Haec mihi sit mortis_ …” hissed Fenris as he jumped from bed and stormed out of his room. One quick kick to the door and he broke open Kay’s room. The male elf was tying the dark dreadlocks from his face with a green thread. “You know where she is.”  
            Kay’s eyes were once more covered with that enchanted black sash; however his dark eyebrow rose as he looked at Fenris. “Perhaps… what of it?”   
            “Tell me.”  
            Kay was silent before he stood straight and raised his chin at Fenris, “No.”  
            He snarled and stepped so close to the shorter elf that his chest thumped against the clothed one of his housemate. “Tell me where Hawke is.”  
            “Do you really want to be picking a fight?” threatened Kay and then faster than Fenris could react to Kay had shoved him back and into the wall with a firm punch to the chest. “Why should I tell you? I haven’t even told Eva, or Lizza. I promised her I would ensure no one went looking for her.”   
            “ _Dic mihi stultus_!” demanded Fenris in Tevene before he took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please…”  
            “Why?” he demanded then. Kay had wanted to beat the two of them for years because it had been painful for even HIM to watch them do that awkward flirting and attraction dance. Granted he hadn’t been nearly as frustrated over it as Eva had been. Lizza had just found it cute and had not cared any more than that.   
            The snow haired elf chewed on his tongue for a moment, trying to figure out how to exactly word what he wanted to say without seeming nearly as desperate as he felt. What could he say? That he wanted to fix what he broke? No… that was fully admitting that he was completely in the wrong. Which wasn’t true, Hawke didn’t have to run away from everything because of this, but she had. However he did admit that he had a big part to do with that.   
            “I…” he started but stopped, his mouth opening and closing several times before he growled and covered his face with his hands. He hated expressing his feelings; it was still far too stressful for him. He missed how Hawke knew what he wanted from looks and maybe a small noise.   
            He missed how her hands felt on him when she would wipe blood and grime off his face. He missed the sound of her laugh when she found something amusing… which had been often before he’d had his mild meltdown. He missed her smile, how her fingers felt laced with his, how she made Magic seem like it could be at least… acceptable, in his eyes.   
            Merrill was a blood mage. Anders was a Mage extremist.   
            Hawke was a Mage who wanted mages to be free but have all the free access to proper training to control and harness their powers. She wanted Templars and Mages to work together to hunt down those who sought to bring more evil into the world. She wanted a safe place for mages and other people. While he didn’t completely comprehend how that could be accomplished, he did admire her for the fact that she was a mage fully willing to admit the dangers of her kind.   
            Templars and Mages both had their ups and downs, and Hawke refused to say one was better than the other. She fought for both sides, she wanted balance. He loved that about her, how she stood strong and steadfast against the constant waves and beating of opinions. He missed seeing that strength.   
            He’d been the one to take it from her… he should have known better. Hawke didn’t open up to anyone, she’d barely begun to let him into the deeper parts of her heart and tell him her pain like he had her… and in a moment of fear after several long moments of bliss he’d hurt her.

            “I want _my_ dorky mage back.” He finally sighed. He missed her infectious laughter and stupid jokes. He missed her attempts to make him laugh and smile. He missed her home made meals for him. He missed getting dirty and covered in filth from fighting beside her or fixing his decrepit mansion. “I miss … Cai.” He admitted then.

            Kay hummed for a moment in thought before he sighed and then crossed the room to his writing desk. Opening the drawer he pulled out a letter tied with a grey ribbon. “She has informed me to where she is heading in this letter. It is very… enlightening about how she feels. It was my condition for keeping her secret that she keep me informed where she will be.” explained Kay as he walked back to Fenris and handed him the letter.   
            Fenris swallowed thickly as he took the letter from Kay and held it in his hands. His skin prickled, he could feel her in the parchment. He ran his finger over the ribbon and felt his heart ache, Hawke loved this color.   
            “Well what are you waiting for? Go get your girl.” barked Kay as he smacked Fenris upside the head and then reached for the broom. Fenris dodged the first swing before cursing at him and then taking off. Kay merely stood at the top of the stairs and watched as Fenris pulled on his gauntlets and armor in the foyer before sprinting out the door while placing his huge sword on his back.   
            “Idiots…” sighed Kay softly, however he wore a smile as he leaned against the wall. Now all he had to do was pray that Hawke was in a listening mood.


	3. Chapter 3

            “Is that Fenris?” asked Liara as she watched the white haired man sprint through the market. At her side was Lizza, an Amazonian of a woman. Her long dark hair in a high tail that still hung around her waist; Lizza was tall, graceful, incredibly strong, and beautiful in the fiercest sort of way. Quickly she turned her head, half of a pastry in her mouth as her earth toned eyes pinpointed the elf.   
            She bit off a piece of her snack and started chewing, “Maybe he’s got a date? And he’s late?” she asked with a mouth full.   
            Liara gasped and slapped the woman in her stomach, it didn’t even phase Lizza as she rose an eyebrow. Liara however held her hand and whimpered, “Don’t say that! Fenris needs to be with Hawke!”  
            “Well he kinda blew that. What sort of guy freaks out after finally scaring with the girl?” she asked as she took another giant bite. “I mean, I know he’s got issues and all… but shouldn’t he have been happy?”   
            “Ugh…” sighed Liara as she scowled at Lizza, “I wish I could give some insight, but fenris is about as easy to understand as it is easy to navigate a labyrinth.”   
            “Another reason why Hawke shouldn’t have ran away, she was the only one who could even half way understand him.” laughed Lizza as she shrugged. “Oh well, Maybe he’s finally developing his brain and is going after her? Would he know how to do that? Men are kinda dumb…”   
            “I hope you aren’t speaking of me.” sounded a nervous voice as the tallest member of their little makeshift family stepped up. Lizza turned around and grinned widely, her arms going around his neck.   
            “I would never admit to anyone that you are dumb!” laughed the woman as she pressed a kiss to the giant known as Carver Hawke’s cheek. “What are you doing here?”   
            “Eva is still in a slump… I thought… I don’t know… She’s like another sister.” He shrugged as he then noticed Liara. “Oh! A visit from you would help her!”   
            “Mind if I accompany you then? I would mind if my beloved is still refusing to eat.” Sighed Liara sadly.   
            “More the merrier!” grinned Lizza. She often tried to keep her mood bright and happy, in hopes that it would chase away some of the negative feelings that plagued her friends. “I’m sure Miss Leandra would love to see us too!”   
            “Mom does enjoy your guys’ company.” shrugged Carver as he bent and lifted the well over six foot tall solid muscle of a woman and threw her over his shoulder; earning a laugh and playful struggle from his match.

            Eva was sniffling into Kier’s neck, her eyes puffy and swollen as she stared out the window and into the bright sky.   
            Why hadn’t Cai said anything? Eva had suspected that Cai being completely fine with it had been an act… however she’d been fooled like everyone else. She’d thought she knew Cai best… however it was now evident that Cai showed what she wanted to and nothing more or less.   
            _That stupid, idiot elf._ Eva wanted to beat him to his senses. She wanted to grab him by those pointy ears and throw him around like a rag doll… then let Kier eat him for chasing away Hawke. Right now, she wanted to hate Fenris with a passion she’d not known she’d had.   
            She didn’t even regret that the first time she’d seen him after Hawke had left she’d charged and rammed her skull right into his groin. It’d been the place that got him close to Hawke and then betrayed her anyways. At least… that’s how Eva saw it.   
            Support, that’s what she had given Fenris and Hawke. Since she’d seen the two idiots look at each other and just melt. Hawke didn’t know the meaning of subtly, Fenris had done a good job, but Eva was good at noticing the small things. She hadn’t missed how he seemed to like the bright smile of her best friend and how he gravitated towards her; even after learning that she was a mage.   
            Now, Fenris was a stupid, idiot ex-slave that she wanted nothing more than to kick into a pile of mush and then pack him up and mail him back to his former master. She was THAT angry. With a sight however, she regretted thinking that. How would Cai react to that?   
            She’d give her the silent treatment and then go after that elf. Cai may have had her heart ripped to shreds… but she’d still stuck up for Fenris. Something Eva couldn’t fully understand as to why. Anders had been vicious in his words; Cai had calmly defended him all the same.   
            Eva turned over as she rested her head on the warm belly of the Dawon who was still moping in the patch of sunlight; his untouched meal still in front of him, rotting slowly. She lifted her hand and looked at the worn and faded leather bracelet that she and Cai shared the pair of. Tokens of friendship they’d given each other a mere matter of weeks since having met.   
            “UGH!!! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO GOOD?!” screamed Eva then, sitting straight and stomping over onto the balcony. “Why did you leave? Why did you let him keep everyone? Why didn’t you have enough faith that we all could still love you both?” she asked before sniffling again. “…Because when you two looked at each other it was too much huh?”   
            She’d seen it, how Fenris’ eyes had filled with so much pain and sorrow, how he looked as if he’d wanted to plead to her. She’d seen how Cai’s was carefully devoid of emotion… when she did slip up the look in her eyes that of someone who was in too much pain and sadness to cry.   
            “You two…” she sighed before turning and leaning against the balcony, sliding down and sitting on the concrete. “You’ll be the death of me.”   
            “I would hope not, my life would be hardly worth living for without my beloved.” smiled Liara softly as she closed the door to Eva’s room behind her. “Though, I do believe that I have some news for you that will make you either incredibly angry, or marginally relieved… perhaps both.”

            “Oh!” gasped Merrill as she was pushed aside by a flash of dark and white. The thick hands of Varric catching her and steadying her as he stared after the figure; he seemed incredibly bewildered.   
            “Was that…?” he asked before he looked up at Merrill who shrugged, “If you think it was Fenris, I suppose it could have been. He’s been especially angry with me as of late.” Sighed the typically chipper She-elf.   
            “Oh, Daisy don’t take that too personally.” laughed Varric gently. However he did make a mental note to make sure Fenris got roughed up a little for that.   
            “Without Hawke here to give him those glares, he seems to be angrier.”   
            “Those two… careful Merrill.” Sighed the dwarf as he shook his head. “I know you and Hawke don’t exactly get along, with your choices of magic and such.” He added with a very soft whisper. “But she would make sure that no one was particularly mean to you wouldn’t she?”   
            “Hawke always surprises me, on one side she is very against what I do. On the other though… well… I’ve never been hurt while she’s around.”   
            “Maybe he’s off to bring her back then… Fenris is probably the only one who could.” mused Varric.   
            “Why’s that?” asked Merrill who seemed to be the one who understood that Fenris and Hawke were very similar the least.   
            “Maker! Daisy… don’t tell me you didn’t know!” Varric was shocked, “I mean, it was so hard to not notice just a few weeks ago. Them two making the eyes, the constant running off together.”   
            “Oh! You mean how Fenris and Hawke fancied each other, I’m sometimes a little slow to catch on Varric but not blind. Anyone could see that the only one who could make that insufferable man smile was Hawke.” huffed Merrill who was now scowling. “Good, I hope she gives him a hard time then; shame on him for leaving her, shame on her for leaving all of us with HIM!”   
            The dwarf could only hold his gut in attempt to control his laughter at Merrill’s words. It was true however, Fenris was a very prickly person, and now with Hawke gone he’d gone from mildly angsty to outright vicious at times. “All I can say is I hope they BOTH come back.”

            “Hmmmm?” questioned Isabela as she sat at a Café on the outside of gateway market. With her Anders was writing out something while he was treated to by the pirate queen a real meal.   
            “What?” asked Anders as he looked up just in time to see the _wild dog_ scale over a cart and then keep sprinting all the way outside the gates of Kirkwall. “Ugh.” Was all he could manage as he sighed deeply.   
            “Not interested? Not even a little?” asked Isabela as she leaned back in her seat and crossed her legs. The small cup she’d been holding now being gently sat on its saucer. “He could be going after Hawke. Wouldn’t you want to be there?”  
            “Hawke out right rejected me Bela.” He grumbled. “I went to see her a few days after _that_ had happened. I could have sworn she was flirting with me… then again I have never seen her flirt.”   
            “She’s quite good at it when she wants to be. However I don’t think I’ve ever seen Hawke flirt when she’s actually interested in someone.” mused Isabela as she leaned forward and rested her chin on her palm. “SO… what happened now?”  
            Anders sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose, “I’d assumed she’d been flirting with me. So I flirted back, even kissed her. I should have noticed how she was shocked in a ‘not good’ way. I took it as breathlessness though and told her I was going to see her that night. That… I just cared so much for her.”  
            “Oooo~ Fenris must not have been there. Otherwise you’d be dead.” Laughed Bela, she was still the only one who “knew” that the two would make up.   
            “She was helping me at the clinic again. She’s a remarkable healer, I’ve seen her handle multiple patients at once. It’s truly inspiring.” smiled Anders weakly as he sat straight and relaxed, “It was nice to have her there without Fenris for once. I can’t stand it when he’s around, always hovering. I mean he’s helpful…” the mage groaned, “Those two were never separated it seemed…”   
            “Of course not! Oh Anders, ever heard the saying birds of a feather flock together?” smiled Isabela weakly as she reached over and moved some of his hair behind his ear. “Tell me what else.”  
            “Well, I went… like I said. She was nervous, but told me straight up that she wasn’t into me like that. That I was sweet and kind, and that we got along really well… but it just wouldn’t work out.” He paused and took a deep breath. “I asked if it was because of our stances on Mages. She told me it wasn’t… I can’t tell if she was lying or being truthful.”  
            Isabela gave him a soft smile and took his hand, “She wouldn’t lie to you Anders. Look how she treats Merrill, and we both know Hawke despises blood magic.” He gave a weak smile and nodded, “Hawke is the kind of woman who needs to be with someone who understands her.”   
            “Who better than another mage?”   
            “Another survivor.”   
            “… Explain?”  
            Isabela shrugged, “You can see it, in the small movements. She and Fenris always know exactly who is where and what they are doing around them. They both always sat with their backs to the wall. Neither of them was fond of being touched by someone they didn’t know. They’ve both been through similar trauma.”   
            “…Hawke… was a slave?”  
            “No!” laughed Isabela as she sighed, “Both of them have been forced to do things they didn’t want to. Both were taken by someone against their will. Both have fought their way back from that sort of darkness.”  
            Anders was silent for a long time before he nodded, “I suppose… it now makes sense. How she could be so fond of him.”  
            “Fenris does have his good points. He’s tall, and handsome, all brooding and mysterious. The way he gazes so intensely at someone…” Isabela stopped when Anders scowled at her.  
            “Hawke isn’t into the same things you are Bela…”   
            She giggled, “No, she fell for him for the silly little things. The sweet things.”   
            “No part of Fenris is sweet.”   
            “Oh, I’d say running to find your love is sweet. Never had a man do that for me.” Her voice soft and wishful; despite being a completely shameless lover of the carnal desires… Bela did sometimes dream of finding someone good. Anders looked at her before smiled softly and taking her hand. He didn’t know why he wanted to, but he felt like he should offer her that comfort.


	4. Chapter 4

            “HAWKE!” screamed Fenris as he reached the tiny hamlet. “Hawke!” he cried again, seeing a few people turn and look at him questioningly. He felt his face grow hot and his chest tighten at the sensation of causing a scene. How else would he find her though? If he tried just searching Hawke would simply elude him. He knew how she worked, just as she knew how he did. This was why he had to go against his habits.   
            He was answered with a very angry looking Hawke walking out of the Inn. Her hair, which had grown since he’d met her, was starting to stand on end… a sign that she was not in the mood to take anyone’s bullshit.   
            “Well look who’s here…” she growled as she began to pace in front of him. Her eyes burning and filled with mostly rage. He could see it however, shock… and a little light of happiness. “It’s the one who made me think that someone could POSSIBLY love me.”  
            Fenris narrowed his eyes at her; he’d been hoping that she would at least listen to him. However… her saying that he didn’t hold her so dear? That was not something he would tolerate. “Well look! It’s the woman who fools everyone into thinking she’s completely fine with what happened! The woman who abandoned everyone who cares for her!” Her snarl did more for him that just mildly intimidate him. Was he crazy to like this side of her? Probably… Hawke was someone with eons of control over her power. However, when she was this angry she was someone who could probably defeat a horde of high dragons on her own. That feral power though had him swallowing thickly in attempt to silence the desire to grab her.   
            “I left everyone so that neither of us would have to deal with the pain of seeing the other! I left because you need people to support you and love you!” he snapped as her pacing quickened. Fenris knew this was a sign that she was barely holding down her rage. Did he really want to get into a fight with her here?  
            “The only pain I felt upon seeing you after that night was the sting of shame.” He growled. “You think I’m proud of what I did? I left when I should have stayed. When I should have stayed wrapped up in those sheets with you…” he paused and took his sword off his back, tossing it aside. “I should have told you how amazing it felt to be the one you let in. I should have held you all night. I should have told you calmly of my fear instead of letting it consume me.”   
            Hawke stopped pacing and listened to him, he was thankful for that, he didn’t know how well he would handle being attacked by her in this state, especially without a weapon. He was not about to hold a blade against Hawke though, not if he wanted to prove to her how much she meant to him.   
            “Yes, you should have…” sighed Hawke as she visibly deflated in front of him. “Just as I should have been brave. How I should have come to you after all that and asked what would become of us, if there even is… or was… an us.” She gave a short laugh before hugging herself. “I didn’t want to see you hurting anymore Fenris, I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I’m an idiot who fell in love and now I can’t bear the thought of seeing you with those sad, needy eyes and you’ve suffered enough in your life, you need and deserve all of them to love and have you. I can survive without it; I can exist with the pain of not having the one I love with me. ”  
            “Yes, life has not been good to me, for what I can remember.” He started as he briskly walked forward and rested his hands upon her own at her arms. “I can’t think of anything worse though, than not having you. Going day by day without you… that’s a pain I can’t handle.” He admitted. “I was scared, I… I have never been able to have something I wanted so badly before. All I could think of was the possibility of you being taken from me.”   
            Hawke finally looked up at him; she’d been staring at their feet, fighting the emotions she felt. Fenris felt his breath hitch as he got to stare into her eyes again, that soft warm shade of brown that he had grown so dependent on. “It never even crossed my mind that I could be the one to take away my own Joy. Then I did…” he very gently pushed an unruly stand of her hair behind her ear with the tip of his metal clawed finger, “This small amount of time… has confirmed that being without you is the absolute of my own personal hell.”  
            “What about having to be with that _Malum_ again?” she asked, though her eyes were bright again… showing her humor.  
            “You’re ruining the moment…” he scowled before his moved his hand to the back of her head and pulled her close to touch his forehead to hers. “Besides, even you aren’t so cruel.”  
            “I’m not even cruel!”   
            “Then stop torturing me and kiss me woman.” Fenris growled, the sound cut short by Hawke gripping the sides of his breastplate and yanking him insistently towards her to have their lips finally meet and he couldn’t help the contented sigh that came from his throat.   
            “Wait till I tell everyone that even you can sound needy.” She murmured between kisses. Fenris gave a small laugh and then nipped at her lip.   
            “You will do no such thing… or I tell everyone, in perfect detail, exactly what your face looks like when you’re about to come undone.”   
            “Now-” she was cut off as he kissed her deeper, his tongue caressing against hers. “Now that’s cruel.”  
            “I’ve never claimed I wasn’t.” he smirked. Hawke blessed him with one of her sun filled giggles and he could only grin like a fool. Here she was, back in his grasp. Her warm smile all he could see as he kept his forehead against hers.   
            “Now, go back to telling me all about what you should have done that night?” she asked as she nipped at the tip of his nose before resting their bridges together.   
            “I’d rather show you.” He rumbled, “Tell me you have a room in there.”   
            “Perhaps, what are you going to do if I do?”  
            “Show you just how dear you are to me, as well as tell you in every language I know.”   
            “That seems like it would take a long time, you speak a lot of languages.”  
            “I do.”   
            “And if I don’t have a room?”  
            “Good thing I brought my coin purse. Stop stalling Hawke, either way I’m spending all night wrapped up with you… and as long as you’ll let me for after that.” He whispered as he wrapped her in a tight embrace. He felt tension he hadn’t even noticed he had melt away as her hands came up and gripped his shoulders, the feeling of her face buried in the crook of his neck reminding him of what he could have lost permanently.   
            “Don’t make plans for the foreseeable forever okay?” asked Hawke, her voice finally breaking as she cried. He turned his head to rest his cheek against her temple. “It hurt me just as much to not have you near.”   
            “Then, I shall never leave your side again.” he paused and held her a as tightly as he could to him, “I am yours.”  
            The next words he heard were what he would call euphoria, “I’m yours too.”

            She didn’t have a room, she’d spent the little bit of coin she’d found to buy water. He didn’t mind, it was all the same in the end.   
            He kept his word, letting the feelings of complete happiness take him as he proved to Hawke how very much she meant to him. He’d kept the promise of telling her how He was hers in every language he knew as well. Earning him both smiles and emotional whimpers; he felt the same, the residual distress of not being with her along with the comfort of having her back in his arms.   
            “You…” smiled Hawke as she stroked his face, the two of them lying facing each other. He kept her close and in his arms as she touched his hair, face, shoulders; her fingers tracing his lyrium marks and once more soothing the pain that gave him near constantly.   
            “You.” he hummed as he let his eyes close and allowed himself to relax and enjoy her touch. He joined in the stroking, his left hand running from her shoulder down to her waist and then over her ample hip. “Have I ever told you how stunning I find you?”  
            “Have I ever done the same for you?” she asked, giving him a warm smile before she moved a little closer to him, their bodies pressed tightly together now he kept her against him as he settled. He enjoyed the feeling of her leg moving over his hip. “You are so beautiful Fenris.” She smiled softly, her fingers running through his hair and nearly lulling him to sleep.   
            “If you talk about how I am lanky I will punish you.” He rumbled. She gave a laugh however and nuzzled her head against his.   
            “Your skin is like polished bronze, the markings on you may have a horrible history… but they remind me just how strong and wonderful you are. I am always struck in awe at how your hair is so incredibly beautiful. Like starlight in color, soft and thick, I love running my hands through it.” her voice was tender, so much that he couldn’t completely swallow the small noise of emotion he felt. “Your eyes, so expressive and lovely. Like sun warmed grass in a summertime field, with all those flecks of bright gold and coppers… I always get lost while looking at you.”   
            He smirked and settled against her, his eyes opening to look at her. “Really now?” he asked. When she hummed and nodded happily he laughed. One of the rare true laughs he only showed her.   
            “I love your smile the most.” she continued, “You have the most amazing smile Fenris. It’s so full of happiness and joy. It’s brighter than all the stars, and makes me feel so light inside I sometimes think I’ll float away.” He continued to laugh, feeling giddy and a little embarrassed at how she so easily described all that she loved about him. “I love how many expressions you wear on your face. Everyone says all you do is brood, but they just don’t notice those little quirks of your eyebrows, or one of your charming little giggles.” He snorted and moved to hide his face in her chest, was this what it was like to feel completely happy?  
            “I love you Fenris.” She grinned as she held his head to her chest and ran her fingers through his hair again. “I’ve been yours since you walked down those stairs in the alienage and pierced right through my heart with your gaze.”  
            His grip around her tightened, taking a deep breath he lifted his head up and then settled it back onto the pillow so he could look at her. “I don’t know the exact moment that my feelings for you started.” he looked away from her for a moment out of embarrassment, but he looked back into her eyes and smiled softly, “I knew that you were very dear to me though… I realized that back when I was tending your wounds that first time. I think it dawned on me that I wished to give my heart to no one else though when you were going against that behemoth on your own. It was a mixture of terror, admiration, and awe as I watched you so fearlessly battle and protect all of us.”   
            “I couldn’t let my favorite elf possibly get hurt.” She smirked, he snorted and kissed her, once more settling with his head against hers.   
            “I wish I could find the words to be able to tell you how beautiful I think you are.” He murmured after a few long moments of warm silence.   
            Hawke shrugged, “You don’t have to… but I can think of a way you can show me how much you love me.”  
            “Anything. Tell me, and it is done.”  
            “Call me by my name.” she whispered. “Even if it’s just when we’re alone…”  
            Fenris rolled over how it would sound to say her name in his head before he ran his fingers through her hair, “I am yours, I love you… Cai.”  
            When the tears started welling in her eyes he panicked slightly, before being soothed by her lips finding his and rewarding him for obliging her with a deep kiss. He felt his heart flutter, his stomach tighten, and that incredibly welcomed heat in his loins as her tongue moved against his. “I love you too Fenris, and I am only yours.”   
            When she breathed that against his lips he once more made that needy noise he only let her hear and rolled them over so he was above her. The sun hadn’t risen just yet and he had found the energy to show his love to her a few more times … that night.


	5. Chapter 5

            “I don’t care what you say Evalie, we’re not just dumping him off on Omega.” Snapped the two toned voice of the turian that ran across the ship affectionately named BOB. The white haired male couldn’t see them; he was hiding, sitting on a stairwell just outside the room that the members of this ship were in. They were arguing over him… again.   
            Fenris hated this, he hated that the one place he’d found in his life that he could even mildly relax in was somewhere where no one seemed to want him. Well… he couldn’t say “no one”. The Turian on this boat stood up to his crew mates every time they even mentioned getting rid of Fenris.   
            The human male pulled his knees up to his chest and stared off into space, listening. He was doing his best not to let his emotions out… but for some reason ever since he’d met that stupid bird brain he’d been able to feel more, process what was in his heart better.   
            “We’re not keeping your little pet Cai! He’s just eating up space.” snapped the Asari. Her voice was reaching the levels of enraged.   
            He heard the angry click from Cai, “He’s not a pet! He’s not a slave! He’s not an object! His name is Fenris, he’s a human being, a sentient species, and he deserves as much fucking respect as you demand we give your medic Evalie!”   
            “Anders is actually useful!”   
            “SO IS FENRIS!”   
            “Only because you want to fuck him!”  
            “Whether or not I am attracted to Fenris doesn’t matter! He’s a person who needs somewhere safe! Either you get your head out of your ass or I take him with me and we leave! Then who are you going to count on to make the hard decisions?”   
            “CAI!” cried Evalie as the turian stormed out of the room, He stopped then, and looked down at the white haired male.   
            Fenris jumped slightly before he looked up at Cai, worry across his face. Cai looked livid, his eyes on fire… before his gaze softened and he gave a weak turian smile and just kept going down the metal stairs. Fenris got up and followed, unsure of what else to do since Cai seemed to be the only one on this ship that liked his company.

            It’d all started a few months ago. He’d hurt, he was hurting more and more every day…. Constantly the Batarians that had recaptured him abused his body while they awaited his master to arrive.   
            He hadn’t reacted when one’s head blew clean off, followed by another, and then another… and as the entire compound was going up in smoke and alarms were blaring he just sat down, void of clothing, and hoped to die. That had been his third escape, and his third recapture…   
            He hadn’t imagined or dreamed of someone rescuing him. He hadn’t hoped that there would be any mercy…  
            He didn’t believe his senses as the tall alien male landed in front of him and kicked away the Krogan that had been charging at him. He couldn’t believe that this turian then turned and looked down at him, curled on the floor and devoid of any light… before the turian pulled off the leather jacket he wore and dropped it down to him.   
            “Lay low, if you want. I’ll help you out of here once I’m done getting a little revenge.” He’d winked before turning on his strange feet and then bolting out the door. Fenris had waited then, still in shock at what’d he seen…  
            The turian then returned, a limp in his step and his shirt ripped and torn, a bullet wound in his plated shoulder. However he couldn’t have looked more like a saving grace. He’d then tried to stand, his lower half weak and barely functioning from the abuse he’d taken from the batarians. Without a question the Turian then leaned down and effortlessly scooped him up. Fenris could only hold the warm, metallic smelling jacket around himself as he was taken away from that compound.

            That was a few months ago, and he didn’t think he would ever forget the soft noises Cai had made to him as he kept him safe. Fenris wasn’t weak, not by any measure… but at that moment, when he had been out of anymore fight… it seemed whatever higher power there was had sent him someone to pull him from the dark.   
            That someone was a male Turian named Caius Raeyis; a grey plated, copper and brown eyed turian with delicate violet markings. He had a voice as smooth as silk with a rich tone that brought so much comfort to Fenris. He didn’t know why exactly, but that voice had just whispered small things to him as he recovered and rested, as the human male medic tended to his wounds, as the Asari grilled him for information he didn’t have.   
            Caius was the friendliest on this ship. Kay’Toris vas BOB, a quarian, was friendly enough… but they didn’t speak a whole bunch. Kay however did spend a lot of time laughing and arguing with Cai over the dextro rations however. Evalie was a hard toned all business Asari that acted like the captian of the ship… she rarely was kind to him. Anders was another human, a Medic… he was… alright. Fenris didn’t enjoy him too much since Anders tended to treat him like he was made of glass.   
            Cai however? Cai treated him gently… but not like he would break at any moment. So Fenris spent most of his time around him. Caius was gentle, easy to talk to, funny, lively, and incredibly talented with vast amounts of knowledge when he wasn’t acting like an idiot.   
            He guessed that was why he liked him… because Cai was the brightest out of everyone. His personality was so diverse and easy to be around. Not that Fenris would ever admit that being around the turian made him feel safer and more stable than he could ever remember.

            “No one’s going to kick you off this ship.” Whispered Cai as he typed away at a terminal, standing in only his cargo pants. Fenris raised his eyes from his feet, he’d been staring at them while he thought.   
            He opened his mouth to speak but shut it, how did he say this exactly? “If it makes it easier for you… I do not mind leaving…”  
            “It doesn’t.”  
            “You didn’t even thin-”  
            “I don’t have to.”   
            “Now is not a time to be stubborn Cai…”  
            “I’m not being stubborn Fenris.”  
            “Yes, you are… you always are.” He sighed as he leaned back and tucked his feet into the small nesting area that Cai had made for him in his work area. Fenris still had trouble being on his feet and doing a lot of physical activity at the moment. His eezo made markings didn’t make anything easier either. So Cai had accommodated him with a small, comfortable, warm, and safe place.   
            Cai gave a short laugh before he looked over his shoulder at the human male, “You know you like it.” his tone was rich and full of that cherished warmth that Fenris had grown so used to.   
            “It doesn’t matter… I don’t want you to give up your home because of me…”  
            “Some things are worth giving up a home for Fenris.”  
            “I can’t think of any…”  
            “That’s alright, I can.”  
            “A foul tempered “broody” human with eezo in his flesh and an ex-slave?”   
            “A good man; a fine man with a wonderful heart. Who is still full of light and who I swear to that I will protect.”   
            Fenris flushed at his words before he pulled the shirt he wore around him tighter. Another one of Cai’s stolen articles of clothing. “I don’t need protecting.”  
            “Just because you don’t need it doesn’t mean I won’t. I’m perfectly aware of how strong you are Fenris. I’m incredibly aware that you could easily assassinate everyone on this ship if you wanted to. However… I make that promise because of personal reasons.”  
            “Like what?”  
            “Oh, you know that answer glowstick.” Smirked Cai.   
            He did, the word “subtle” was not something that fit into a description of Cai. He’d made it pretty clear that he found Fenris attractive as soon as the human male was no long waking up screaming from nightmares.   
            Leaning his head back he looked at Cai, green eyes bright and holding unsaid emotion. Fenris didn’t want to admit it, but he was fond of Cai as more than just a comrade too. How could he not be? Cai was there for him in ways he’d only dared to hope someone would be in his earlier years of being Danarius’ slave.   
            Cai was the one who rushed to his side when he awoke in cold sweats from nightmares. Cai was the one who told him soothing things and rubbed his back gently so that he could go back to sleep. Cai was the one who sat on the floor with his back against Fenris’ bunk and dozed… having promised to stay until Fenris could sleep again. Cai was the one who always brought him back a treat from shore-leave, or an interesting object from a mission. Cai was the one who scooped him up when he had a breakdown and felt his legs give out. Cai was the one who let him cling with a vice like grip… he didn’t even make a sound when Fenris had managed to crack his shoulder plate from the strength of his grip.

            The thing was, it was now dawning on him how attached he actually was to the turian. This was the same man who gave him his whole heart and cared for him when he probably expected nothing in return. Cai was selfless like that… he loved… and that’s all that happened. He didn’t expect anyone to return it. Fenris was shown tenderness and affection in ways that didn’t leave him feeling sick to his stomach. He wasn’t treated like he was made of glass, nor was Cai abrasive against his sensitivities.   
            Getting up, Fenris crossed over to the turian and hugged him from behind, pressing his face into the warm plates on the turian’s back. Cai only smirked and looked over his shoulder at the human. “Feeling sentimental?”   
            “No.”  
            “No?”  
            “I…”  
            The turian was silent before he turned around and looked down at Fenris, his large three fingered hands resting on the male’s shoulders. “Look, you don’t have to say anything. I get it okay… I know how I feel about you but you are in no way obligated to feel such a thing for me. Just know that you do indeed have someone, as kinda stupid as I am, that loves you. Okay?”   
            Fenris didn’t know whether to slap him upside the head or kiss him. This guy was always selling himself short, always making himself seem like he was just some idiot who wasn’t important or special to anyone. “Cai?”  
            The turian pulled his mandibles to his face tightly, his eyes wide, “Yeah?”  
            “You’re an idiot.”  
            “And Krogan have four balls.”  
            “Wha-?”  
            “Oh… are we not stating the obvious?”   
            “…Idiot bird…” sighed Fenris before he smiled gently up at the turian and stepped closer to him, his chest against the other male’s stomach. “I am yours.”  
            Cai seemed to have short circuited, “…I don’t need nor want a slave… besides isn’t that what we rescued y-”  
            “I.” he pressed his palms to the turian’s waist. “Am.” Standing on his toes he then ran his hands up to Cai’s cowl. “Yours.” He whispered before yanking the male’s head down and crushing his lips to the mouth plates. Cai seemed to freeze before Fenris pulled away and looked up at him, begging him to understand.   
            Oh, he understood… he was just in too much shock. Cai opened his mouth to speak, before he closed it again. Several more times he did this before he kept his mouth shut, swallowed thickly, and then leaned his head down to rest his nose bridge against Fenris’ his mouth plates nipping at the human’s lower lip gently… emulating a kiss as best he could.   
            He could barely contain his joy, his heart was beating so fast it felt like a bird fluttering in his chest. Cai then gave Fenris the sweetest, most gentle smile he could manage before pulling the human close to him. “I am yours, only yours Fenris.”


	6. Chapter 6

            “Easy.” whispered Cai as he was shoved against the metal wall of his bunk. The male who was gripping his waist firmly, pulsing his grip and giving far more stimulation than the turian was used to, huffed before standing on his toes to kiss his alien lover.   
            The Turian smirked as he leaned down and pressed his mouth plates to Fenris’ lips. “You don’t have to prove anything to me.” He added, his tone gentle as his three taloned hand gently ran through the snowy hair on the human.   
            Fenris moved his hands slowly up the plated chest before he managed to wrap his arms around Cai’s thick neck. “I’m nervous… that’s all.”   
            “Me too…”  
            “First time with a human?”  
            “First time with anyone willingly.” He laughed.   
            Fenris pulled away and gazed up at the turian, Cai swallowed thickly before turning his face away and pulling his mandibles tightly to his face. He arms however remained around the human male and holding him close however.   
            He hadn’t known that… “You mean?” he paused, “Like…”  
            “Similar to your situation…” shrugged Cai as he kept avoiding looking the other man in the face. “Was on a mission to take out some mercs, a few turians who had gone rogue… a whole platoon against one? That ain’t fair…”   
            His human then cupped his face, forcing him to look at him. Cai did as he was asked, looking right at Fenris, “The Krogan was definitely not fun… Turians don’t stretch like that…” he smirked as those five fingered hands stroked over his long fringe and then massaged that tender spot at the back of his head.   
            “I’m sorry…”   
            “Nah.”  
            “You’re so stubborn.” smirked Fenris as he leaned in to press his head against the other males. “I wish I had words of comfort… like you did for me.”  
            Cai was silent for several long moments before he pulled away and looked down at the human, his grip going slack. “Is this just a fling? Something to help you get through things? A passing ships in the night sort of deal?”   
            One dark eyebrow rose up before Fenris snorted and ran his hands down the turian’s body to his waist; where he squeezed with both hands hard before hitting him in the side. Caius squawked in pain before making a whining keen and resting his head on the human’s shoulder. “You asshole… it’s sensitive there.”  
            “You are not some passing ship in the night to me Cai.” He said firmly, anger in his tone. “Do you think I would let just anyone touch me as you do?”  
            Cai lifted his head and looked at the human, his long arms moving from holding his stomach to around the bronze man’s neck. “Do you think I would let just anyone into my heart?”   
            “I am yours, as always.” huffed the human as he nuzzled against his alien. Cai returned the affections before nipping at the other man’s jaw softly.   
            Slowly, Cai moved his hands down the other male’s body, taking in the shape, the hard lines and softness of Fenris. Then with a smirk he lifted Fenris up and cradled his backside in his hands. He responded then by wrapping his legs around the turian’s waist and hugging his neck tightly, turning his head to press his lips to those harder, rougher mouth plates and steal a kiss.   
            It was different, than Fenris could have ever pictured. He’d been with many different men of different species, some women too. His former master loved to share him with important people… and the one who recaptured him each time had never refused a taste of their cargo.   
            Kissing Cai made his chest tight and fire run through his veins however. Turian tongues were rougher, dryer, larger… and much longer than any other species he’d been with. Cai’s was no different from any other turians’ anatomy wise. Cai’s tongue though gave Fenris a thrill he hadn’t know before however.   
            Long alien legs carried them both to the bed in Cai’s bunk. Gently the larger man rested the human down on the bed and pulled away from the kiss, effectively leaving Fenris a little dazed and staring up at Cai with warm fogged over eyes. The turian returned the look, expressing his affection solely with his gaze. It made Fenris feel completely warm and fuzzy all over, as well as send a little more warmth into his groin.   
            “Still sure you want to do this?” asked Cai softly as he peeled his shirt off his body and once again exposed his plates to the man who held his heart.   
            Fenris nodded and sat up, pulling off his own shirt and tossing it aside, “Yes.”  
            “If any time you feel uncomfortable, just let me know. I’ll do the same for you… yeah?” he asked as he leaned in and pressed his head against Fenris’.   
            “Yes.” Sighed Fenris as he nuzzled against Cai’s face and turned his head to kiss him again. Cai pulled together his brow plates and made a rumbling noise that vibrated all the way through Fenris. Pulling back he let out a moan that earned him a small laugh from his turian.   
            Cai then leaned more over him, forcing Fenris onto his back while the turian ran his tongue against his lovers, leaving them both panting and wrapped up in a worked up and affectionate haze.

            Their bodies were alien to each other; while both had experience with the other’s species… it was different when there was such an emotional attachment. It wasn’t just about pleasing whoever was forcing them to make it end as soon as it could. They wanted to please the other, and be pleased. Such a mutual feeling left things slow, almost painfully. However, no movement brought the other fear, only warmth and comfort.   
            Cai moved to his knees on the floor and ran his hands up Fenris’ thighs. The human male panted and leaned back on his arms, his lower lip between his teeth as he watched Cai’s dark blue tongue dart from his mouth and run along a lyrium marking. He hissed, it was both a burn and something pleasurable, the sensation of Cai touching him softly.   
            “May I?” his voice was so deep, graveling… it sent a shock of heat down his spine and right into his already near painful erection.   
            He nodded, taking a deep breath as his alien touched him gently. As soon as that dark blue tongue touched his sensitive head he moaned and threw his head back, falling back to lean on his elbows.

            It was good, really good… to have someone touch him so gently. He’d half expected it to be as feral and demanding as his experiences with other turians had been. This had been far gentler though, as it was supposed to be. Cai wasn’t some merc or turian politician that Danarius wanted to win the favor of. He was a good man who loved him deeply, who paid attention to him and his needs.   
            When he felt his climax nearing, he looked at Cai and tried to push him away. Not because he was no longer enjoying it, oh no… he was relishing the feeling of Cai’s long tongue laving, swirling, and caressing his shaft and head. He didn’t know it would feel so good to have his alien birdy boyfriend run his tongue over his testicles and gently prod at his entrance. It did however, Cai was very thorough in his oral attentions.   
            The turian however only opened his eyes and looked at Fenris before taking his hand and lacing his fingers with his, leaving Fenris blushing even deeper before his peak hit him. He moaned and arched his back, panting as he watched Cai milk every drop of his climax onto that beloved blue tongue.   
            “What abo-… Allergic?” he asked as Cai swallowed down his lover’s cum and then rose to press their faces together, laying on the affection thick.   
            He chuckled as he leaned over Fenris, his free hand holding the human’s hip and gently rubbing circles into the soft skin there with his thumb. “Good way to die, making you feel good and loved.”  
            Fenris scowled before he limply attempted to slap Cai across the face, resulting in however his hand only lingering there. Cai lifted his hand away from Fenris’ hip and held his palm to his mandible before turning and nuzzling his mouth places into the tanned palm. “That’s not even funny…”  
            “Kinda is…”  
            “If you weren’t so…”  
            “hmmm?” questioned Cai. Fenris opened his mouth before he turned a darker shade of red and then buried his face into Cai’s neck, moth his arms now going around the turian’s cowl. Cai continued to laugh softly before nuzzling Fenris’ shoulder, “It was really fun to play with your glowstick.”  
            Fenris pulled his head away from Cai’s hide and then stared at him. Part of him wanted to scowl… another part was finding the fact that his manhood was now referred to as “his glowstick” hilarious. Only Cai could do this to him. “Ugh… idiot turian.”  
            Cai gave out a laugh as he leaned down and nuzzled firmly against Fenris’ nose bridge, laying on more affections. “Indeed… but I am _your_ idiot turian.” he whispered.   
            Emotion hit him like a sledgehammer, Fenris let out a deep breath and caressed the alien face he so adored now. Cai was his, loyal to a fault, protective, loving, everything Fenris had once imagined real love to be like. Now he had it, he had someone who wanted to be his as much as he was theirs. “I love you.”   
            Those brown eyes melted from amused to tender as he ran his talons through his lover’s white hair. “I love you too.” his voice cracking and causing Fenris to give a weak smile. Cai then cleared his throat before he nuzzled against Fenris and caressed his face. “Also, I’m not really allergic, mild sensitivity. I may be a little crabby tomorrow because of a stomach ache.”   
            “The first time you snap at me I am going to punch you.” Said Fenris firmly as he pressed his lips to Cai’s crest and nuzzled him again. “I love you. You’re mine. I’m not going to take that however.”  
            “I would never expect you too.” He smirked as he returned the affections. “Evalie and Kay however… Anders? They are all potential victims. Never you though, not my adorable vicious glowstick.”  
            “Only you would put ‘vicious’ and ‘adorable’ in the same sentence my love.”   
            “Awww… I’m your love?”  
            “… Cai…”  
            “Yes baby?”  
            “Oh… ugh… are we actually doing this?”  
            “Of course we are my beloved glowstick. My honey bunny. My moon and stars. My wonderful god of brooding and angst.”  
            “I don’t brood!”  
            “Baby… you brood.”   
            “… Ugh… insufferable bird… you’ll be the death of me.”  
            “Nah. I’m the best reason to stick around. Who else will cuddle you this much and say sweet nothings AND call you ‘glowstick’?”  
            Fenris flopped back onto the bed with his arms above his head and just laughed, his green eyes now looking at Cai with such love and tenderness. “I am yours.” His voice barely a whisper yet holding so much love Cai actually keened a little as he rested his head on the male’s chest.   
            “I am yours, and ONLY yours.” Cai returned before moving up and pulling his human lover tightly to him. Deftly he then kicked the blanket up and caught it, spreading it out over the both of them. Fenris smirked at this before he rested his head in the crook of his lover’s neck.   
            Sleep came easily, as it more often than not did now. Cai finally had someone who he could give his heart to proudly. Fenris, he finally had someone he could call home.


	7. Chapter 7

            “Cai!”   
            “No…”  
            “Cai!”   
            “NO…”  
            “CAI!!”  
            “FENRIS!”  
            “…Cai…”  
            “…ugh, what?” asked the turian finally as he looked up from his sniper’s nest. Brown eyes were now honed in on the barely armored figure of the human male. “What do you need glowstick?”  
            There was a long amount of silence before Fenris raised his hand and waved two fingers, signally that he needed to talk on the private channel. It wasn’t that Fenris didn’t like Evalie, he was very fond of her actually. She was one of the three aliens who had saved him from slavers. However, Cai was someone special. Cai nursed him back to health. Cai healed his wounds. Cai was there to just sit with him in the middle of the night when the nightmares came. Cai threw down his life to protect him over and over again.   
            If that wasn’t a reason to grow affectionate for someone… he didn’t know what was. Fenris then sat on the private com channel and waited.   
            “Yeah Doll?” asked Cai as he switched onto the line. Despite sounding irritated earlier, his voice was all tenderness now.   
            Fenris swallowed thickly before he looked at his booted feet and sighed, “I’m…”  
            “Nervous?” asked Cai  
            Fenris nodded, knowing Cai could see him.   
            “It’s okay to be nervous. Missions aren’t always easy peasy; but you’ll be just fine me beloved. Remember, your idiot birb is watching your back.” smiled Cai as he peeked out from his hide out and waved at Fenris.   
            The smile that man gave made Cai’s heart flutter. He loved seeing the human express happiness. Before he’d been so sad, and scared… angry… it was a miracle that it only took him about a year to grow a little more comfortable on B.O.B. Fenris now smiled, laughed, joked, and lived a little. He finally felt comfortable enough to seek company... instead of just hovering around when he didn’t want to be alone.   
            Not that Cai minded. Cai was the most patient of the crew that owned and operated off BOB. Cai, Turian sniper extraordinaire; once a 26th armiger Ghost, Ex-military, had a list of heroic mentions as long as he was. Yet… because of one terrible incident… he was forcibly retired from the military early and shunned from his family.   
            Now Cai was just some dorky turian guy on a ship. He cooked, cleaned, fixed things, and Fenris liked watching him work on the various mechanics of the ship. Fenris really liked how Cai, the turian, looked shirtless. Large broad shoulders, plated carapace that moved as be breathed, those long surprisingly strong arms, that thin sensitive waist… it was all appealing to Fenris now that he knew what the body held in the heart and mind.

            The mission was successful, though Fenris was still feeling the after effects of watching his favorite turian be thrown out a window.   
            “You could have died!” he growled again as he patched up the turian.   
            Cai shrugged, “But I didn’t, you still have me around glowstick.” Smiled the alien as he held out his hand and offered it to Fenris.   
            He never pushed, never took the affections forcibly. Fenris liked this about Cai, how everything always was a choice for him to either reject or accept… though he never turned down a chance to be close to the alien man.   
            With an eye roll he rested his hand on the turian’s and let him awkwardly lace their mismatched number of fingers. “You may just be the death of me.”   
            “I haven’t killed Evalie yet and I’ve been on this boat five years with her. I’m not gonna kill you for as long as you let me remain by your side.” he purred up at Fenris before pulling him closer with a gentle tug and wrapping his other arm around the human’s waist.   
            There was that fluttering in his heart again as the turian talked all smoothly at him. Fenris smirked and then leaned his head down to touch it to Cai’s. “Aren’t I supposed to ask to remain at your side?”   
            “No, because it’s a given that if it were only my choice I would never have you leave my side. I’d have you in my bed with me, in my showers, at all my meals, and walk into very battle with you right there with me.” Fenris’ breath hitched as he stared into the warm coppery eyes of the turian, “‘Cause I can think of no one I care for more and enjoy the company of more than you Fenris.”   
            “Smooth talker….” Sighed the human male as he pushed his nose bridge against _his_ turian’s and nuzzled him. Cai began to purr, loudly as he soaked up the affection and then returned it just as happily.


	8. Chapter 8

            “I don’t need you to protect me Kay.” huffed the accented and slightly distorted voice of Tali as she looked at her long distance lover over the com call.   
            Kay knotted his eyebrows together and crossed his arms, “I would never suggest that you need protecting. I merely was trying to say that I wished to go with you.”  
            “Evalie would never let you off BOB long enough…”   
            “She doesn’t exactly get a say when it comes to my love life my darling.”  
            “Kay…”  
            “Tali.”  
            “No.”  
            “and Why?”  
            “Because it’s too dangerous. You’re settled into your position there on BOB. You’re safe there, I can depend on that idiot turian and his human to be there to protect _you_.”  
            “As if I need protecting, if you don’t remember my dearest, I am an infiltrator, and a very good one at that.”  
            “You’re not Caius.”  
            “ _NO ONE_ is on his level other than him. That turian makes no sense.” Sighed the Quarian as he leaned forward with his hands on the chair. “I’m good at what I do Darling, please, just let me come with you to Haestrom…”  
            Tali was silent for a long time before she sighed and looked at something off screen. “Kay…”  
            “Hire the whole crew then!”   
            “What?”  
            “Hire the crew of BOB, hire us as an extra set of hands and protection.”  
            “You know these matters are sensitive! We can’t have information being leaked out of the floatilla!” her voice almost shrill at the shock and the emphasis on the importance of what was happening.   
            Kay snorted, “Like anyone on this boat would let out a secret if they paid enough attention to notice it.” he had a point, everyone on this ship (the three other beings that was) really didn’t care about much other than getting the job done in an acceptable fashion.   
            Evalie didn’t care as long as she was paid.   
            Fenris didn’t care as long as no one asked him to do anything he was uncomfortable with.  
            Caius didn’t care as long as it didn’t go against his morals.   
            Cahl… well… it was probably best to continue to keep Cahl a secret from Tali.   
            Kay honestly did whatever he felt was right, much like Caius. That’s how they were as people however… but Caius was much more strict in what was “good” and “bad”.   
            Tali still wasn’t completely sold however. As nice as it would be to have Kay there with her, and how much help another couple of guns would be… this was a sensitive matter for the floatilla.   
            “My Stars and Sun, I promise nothing will happen to jeopardize any part of your mission. Not from our end anyways.” Swore Kay as he put a hand over his heart and looked at her. “Let me come… Let me make sure the woman I belong to is safe… for my own selfish needs.”   
            Tali couldn’t argue with Kay when he started pulling out the smooth words. He picked this up from the damned turian, and she knew it, Kay had once been a blubbering mess of words… she didn’t know if she preferred him with a honeyed tongue… or back as a mess.   
            “Alright… Meet us there.” she sighed before looking at him softly.   
            “My heart is yours.”  
            “And mine, yours.”


	9. Chapter 9

          “Hawke…” his voice was dry, void of emotions, maybe holding a marginal amount of irritation. The man in question however didn’t move, he merely grunted as he rolled from his side to his stomach in the middle of the bedroll.   
            A dark eyebrow rose before the elf thrust his fingers into the tender, and mildly soft, side of his lover. A yelp sounded before warm brown eyes rolled over and glared at him from behind overgrown hair and thick scruff.   
            “What was that for?”  
            “You have once again taken over the bed and hogged all the covers.” Grumbled Fenris as he slid from his knee to sit on his rear and then kicked Hawke with both his feet, making room for himself in the warm bed.   
            Hawke sighed and moved over, “That’s what you get for decided now was the time to go outside, in winter, without anything on but tights, and a blanket. What on earth were you doing anyways?”  
            Fenris flustered a little before he breathed out through his nose and fell over onto a pillow, now warm from Hawke hugging it close to his body. “It’s started…”  
            “What’s starte-” Hawke was cut off by an irritated look from his elf, “Oh…” he then gave a sympathetic look and pulled Fenris close to him. “Hey, it’s only a few days… I mean I know that they’re painful and irritating and make you feel terrible… but I’m here.”  
            Having the body of a female and the heart and mind of a male often left Fenris with much confusion. However, ever since meeting Hawke he’d been able to come more to terms with the way he was. Hawke loved him, loved all of him. To Hawke he was a man, despite the fact that inside his trousers was not something similar to what Hawke possessed.   
            “Thank you.”  
            “Anytime my beloved.” hummed Hawke as he pressed his forehead to Fenris’ and nuzzled against him. “So, is now a good time to tell you that I have been hiding chocolate from you?”   
            Fenris was silent for a long moment before he sat up, turned, grabbed Hawke’s pack and shoved it at him. “Give it to me.”  
            “As you command my broody elf boyfriend!” grinned the male as he dug through the multiple pockets before pulling out a bag of sweet goodness. He was about to open it before Fenris snatched it from him and turned over so that his back was to the much larger male. “Share?”  
            “No, you were hiding this from me.”   
            “Only because I figured we’d need it!”   
            “Not ready to forgive you.”  
            “Ugh…” huffed Hawke as he then put his pack back into the corner of their tent where it had been before settling down and moving to spoon his lover. “At least let me cuddle the man I love.”  
            Fenris sighed, his abdomen hurt, he was tired as all hell, he just wanted to sleep for days… he wanted more chocolate… and steak. However the fact that Hawke still wanted to be close to him, despite his foul mood, made him soften as Hawke wrapped himself around him. “I love you…”  
            “I love you too.” hummed Hawke as he pressed his mouth to the junction of Fenris’ neck and shoulder, kissing the bronze flesh there. “I always will.”  
            He gave in there, pulling a small chunk of Chocolate from the bag and holding it over his shoulder, Hawke’s mouth closing over his fingers making him smile and turn so he could rest on his back. “I am yours.”  
            Hawke quickly swallowed down the treat, “As I am yours.” his hand resting on Fenris’ stomach just below the navel and beginning to radiate a welcomed heat. Fenris sighed as the cramping muscles inside him relaxed and he could follow suit.   
            “Better?”  
            “Much.” Fenris sighed as he placed the chocolate above him next to Hawke’s pack and then settled into the warm blankets and padding. His mind lulling to sweet nothingness as Hawke used his magic to help against the curses of nature.


	10. Chapter 10

            He knew he should have said something. He knew that there was no real right to him having these feelings. However he had them, he couldn’t help it. It was hard not to feel such a prang of jealousy blaze in his chest as he watched Caius lean in close to a human woman with long dark hair and whisper in her ear. How her face flushed and then she laughed, turning and looking at him with those come hither eyes.   
            Caius was usually a dorky, un-cool idiot turian. When in the universe did he become such a smooth operator? How come that bitch got all his sweet words and that confident sexiness… when Fenris was left with awkward moments?  
            “It’s because he’s not really all that interested in her.” said Kay as he played a game on his omni-tool. “Every time he’s tried to make it obvious to you that he likes you he seems to mess up. His confidence is in the gutter so right now he’s getting himself a boost with a cheap floozy.”   
            “What?” asked Fenris, the loud music making it hard to hear Kay. The Quarian then turned and looked at him, his glowing eyes narrowed before he visibly sighed and scooted closer to Fenris.   
            “He’s not sure if you like him!” he nearly shouted, “So he’s finding something to give him some confidence!”   
            Fenris looked shocked, his bright green eyes wide before he turned and looked at the turian across the bar. He looked mildly uncomfortable, especially since the woman was now stroking his waist and grinning up at him. That made his blood boil; it was one thing for him to be flirting, but Caius being touched by someone else?  
            Oh. Hell. No.  
            Fenris growled and slid from the booth, leaving Kay alone to save their seat. The Quarian huffed before leaning forward on his arms and pouting. If there was any time he’d kill to see Tali, it’d be right now.

            “Hands off the bird brain.” snarled Fenris as he came up to _his_ Turian and slapped his hand away. Quickly replacing it with his own and sliding up close and tight to the alien male. His eyes then turned and looked angrily up at Caius before he gripped his waist with both hands and pressed his body against him. Caius let out a sigh as he gripped the bar from behind, his head lolling as the sensation of those beautiful bronze alien hands caressing such a sensitive area.   
            “Excuse me, but I believe he was talking to me. Weren’t you sweety?” purred the human female as she shoved Fenris away and attempted to grind up on Caius. The minute Fenris let go the alien jumped to attention and quickly put some distance between himself and the female.   
            “Sorry Ma’am… seems like my human glowstick has got a thing or two to talk to me about.” He laughed nervously, stiffening as Fenris slid up against him and once more made a show of how Caius reacted to him touching his waist, thighs, even reaching up and massaging that sweet spot under his fringe.   
            “You best run, before I get angry.” Growled Fenris as he then yanked Caius’ head down to touch his forehead to his, a very bold display of affection for turians, and then turning to look at the woman as if his gaze could slice her to ribbons. Luckily, she left with a huff then. Not before cursing and downing her drink however. Caius seemed still in a daze from all the affection, as angry and possessive as it was, from Fenris. Who now was pulling him by the sides of his leather jacket to follow him.

            He lead Caius to a dark corner of the club, where he slammed him into the wall and stood on his toes, grabbing the turian’s head and pulling him down for a crushing kiss. He cared not that it was not soft lips to barely flexible plates, all he cared for was possessively laying claim to what was his. “You are mine.”  
            “Huh?” asked Caius dreamily, seeming to be overwhelmed and in a daze from it all. “Your wha?”  
            “Mine.” growled Fenris as he kissed him again. “You are an idiot bird; so foolish to think that I hold no affections for you when I can barely think of anything but you.”   
            “Buu…” Caius’ voice drifted off as he felt those ivy orbs burn into his own brain eyes. “Fenris… you said that you didn’t want anything serious.”  
            He blushed deeply, “I misjudged my feelings for you… I am…” he sighed then before resting his forehead against the warm, soft, red fabric of Caius’ shirt. “I do not know how to handle such things as emotions. No one had ever made me feel as you do… I have never even felt like this before, for as long as I can remember.”  
            He felt Caius swallow thickly and his eyes closed. He tightly kept them closed praying to whatever higher power Caius wouldn’t push him away. Instead, he opened them when he felt those strong hands on his back, slowly encasing him in a warm and comforting hug.   
            “Glowstick… all you had to do was let me know.” His voice was warm, gravelly, filled with tenderness. The softness shone in his eyes as Fenris looked up and saw that look. The one that he gave him when they were alone and their eyes met. “I… Look I am not as “fun” as I come off sometimes. I’m a one person at a time sort of guy.” He paused as his forehead came down to nuzzled against the shorter human male’s. “And, I can honestly tell you that… you’re the only person I am honestly looking at.”  
            Fenris inhaled deeply before pressing his forehead back against Caius’, all he could do was listen to him talk. “You’re the only person who had a smile that can outshine a trillion stars. The only person who makes my whole body heat up like it’s mating season with a look. The only person I have ever promised to come back safely to. The only person whom I would ever willingly share my thoughts with.” He stopped and moved his hands to cradle Fenris’ soft face. “You’re the only person I’m looking at.”  
            “Idiot Turian and your sweet words…” sighed Fenris as he held Caius’ warm hands to his face and let the warm feelings wash over him. “You are mine?”  
            “Heart and soul baby. There’s no other glowsticks but you.” He chuckled.   
            Fenris smirked and rolled his eyes, once he’d hated that nickname… but now he couldn’t help but feel special whenever Caius told him that. The Turian then nipped at his jawline gently before pushing their nose bridges together. “You mine?”  
            “Wholly.” breathed Fenris. They stayed like that for a long while, the sound of the music barely heard, the sound of their hearts louder and slowly syncing until they were on the same rhythm. Breathing the same air, occasionally Caius would nuzzle against him, give out a small purr.   
            “So… You were totally jealous weren’t you?”   
            “Cai… you’re ruining the moment with your exaggerations.”   
            “Oh no glowstick, you were totally jealous. You got all possessive and was all like ‘you are mine!’ I gotta say… never been happy to hear someone claim me before that.”   
            “Shush.” ordered Fenris as he kissed Caius, his tongue coaxing out the larger rougher one from inside his lover’s mouth. It effectively shushed his Idiot Turian.


	11. Chapter 11

            “Run away with me.”  
            His green eyes went wide as he stared up at the taller human male. “What?”  
            “Run away with me.” said Hawke once more. His eyes were puffy and red; he hadn’t shaved in a few days sporting glorious stubble on his fair olive toned skin. He looked tired, worn down, like he needed to get away for a while.   
            Fenris didn’t know what to say. “Hawke…” he started before looking at his feet. What did he do? It wasn’t that he didn’t want to; instinct had instantly jumped for joy at the idea. However there was more on his mind… like Why? Why was Hawke suddenly coming to him in the middle of the night and asking him to do this.   
            They hadn’t even spoken of that night some time ago… the night Fenris experience the most wonderful and horrible feelings all at once.   
            “I… I can’t think of anyone else I want to with.” croaked the male as he straightened. “Things are hard; I need to get away, just for a few days. I want to spend those days with you.” He admitted truthfully. Hawke looked at his feet before his eyes moved up and stared at Fenris through his unkempt hair.   
            “Hawke, we haven’t even brought up that nigh-”  
            “It doesn’t matter… That was the past. If you don’t have feelings for me anymore, or don’t want to just say so. I won’t bother you further. I however only think of you, I have only EVER thought of you” admitted the human male as he let his shoulders slump.   
            Fenris felt his breath catch before he swallowed thickly and looked at his feet. He loved Hawke, he knew he did. How could he not? Hawke was always there for him, constantly by his side and coming to is rescue. Hawke walked through fire for him… and he did the same for him.   
            “Alright.”   
            Hawke lit up, his eyes bright and in shock as he began to wring his hands. “Yes?” he asked.   
            “Yes.” nodded Fenris as he took a step closer, before gripping the front of Hawke’s grey shirt and yanking him forward. Fenris stood on his toes and pressed his lips to Hawke’s, it had been far too long since he had felt affection from Hawke.   
            The mage returned it happily, freely, his hands gripping Fenris’ shoulders lightly before he wrapped them around his neck and deepened the kiss. This angsty, broody, asshole of an elf was the one who held his heart. No one else ever would, he’d known that for a while.   
            “You do realize everyone will be quite angry with you for up and running off right?” whispered Fenris against Hawke’s lips as he gripped the soft grey fabric as if his life depended on it. He hadn’t realized just how desperate he was to be held and loved once again by this idiot of a man.   
            “I don’t care. As long as you come with me, let them rain down upon me the wrath of the maker himself.” sighed Hawke as he tilted his head and deepened the kiss, his tongue caressing Fenris’ now, coaxing him.   
            He melted, Fenris couldn’t help himself. There was no one else who had ever made him feel so… safe. So warm and loved, like he was the entire world to someone… and he was to Hawke.   
            “Whatever the future holds, I gladly walk into it at your side Hawke.” breathed Fenris before he brought his hands up and held Hawke’s still, looking at him tenderly, “I am yours.”   
            “I’m yours… and only yours.” smiled Hawke before he pressed his forehead to Fenris’ and then kissed him once more.

            They were long gone by sunrise, running with wide smiles and fingers laced. They’d have hell to pay later from their friends, but for now… for the short future ahead of them… all that mattered was being hopelessly in love.


	12. Chapter 12

            “I’ll be okay…” his voice was gentle, soft, tender, and weak from healing. Hawke lay in his bed in his home, his skin still deathly pale from what little blood was still in him. His eyes however were bright, half lidded from his fatigue, but bright none the less. He gave a warm smile to the elf who was on his knees next to the bed, his hand being held in the man’s death grip.   
            He looked up, eyes wide with shock, quickly he wiped the tears he’d been spilling from his face and looked at Hawke. “I was not… I…”  
            “My heart is wise, my heart is sweet, eyes like pre-harvest wheat. Your smile can calm storms and light up the darkest of nights; all stars glowing alight.” Hawke stopped to take a breath as his hand pulled from Fenris’ and reached to stroke his face. “I see that I have given you such a fright. However do not fear; I am stronger than I appear. I will never leave you alone my dear. I am yours, as sure as starlight; for you are the only one who fills my heart with warmth so right.”  
            The feeling of his warm calloused hand and those words spoken, they calmed Fenris a great deal. “You’re not charming your way out of my ire Hawke.” He told him softly, he wanted to be stern but he could not. Not with soft brown eyes looking at him with all the love they had always held.   
            Leaving that night had been his greatest mistake. Not that he knew how to fix it, how to make things well again. It was so fearful… knowing that he was so deeply in love with someone. He’d never feared for anyone’s life like he had for Hawke’s. The idiot man had succeeded in defeating the Arishtok, at the price of having his own chest pierced with that massive sword. If it weren’t for Anders… well… Hawke wouldn’t be here right now charming Fenris into relaxing, just a little.   
            “I have no such intentions Fenris.” smirked Hawke as he ran his thumb over Fenris’ cheekbone. “I just want you to put everything behind you, if only for an hour. I did almost die you know… and I do feel that a little sugar from the sweetest elf I know would speed up my healing.”  
            “Should I run and fetch Merrill then?” asked Fenris with a smirk before he held Hawke’s hand to his face and soaked up the feeling. “You terrified me… I don’t know… I don’t know what I would have done if you had died.” His voice cracked as he spoke.   
            “Raided my spell books for the spell I used on that man’s child?” he asked with a small smile, “Though Anders doesn’t have the spirit for it; takes a certain kind of touch to coax a soul back.”   
            “I care for you Hawke, this is not a time to joke.” the elf groused.   
            Hawke gave a weak laugh and a grin, “With you beloved? It’s always a good time to joke. Seeing that smile of yours is the best medicine.”   
            “You still call me that… even after?” he asked.   
            Hawke looked at him tenderly and once more stroked his cheekbone, “Fenris, you take the time you need. I will be here waiting for you, forever loyal. I am yours love, just as you are my most cherished. If you decide you no longer want me… then I can do nothing. It won’t stop how I feel for you though.”  
            “I don’t deserve you…”  
            “No…” Fenris looked up at Hawke sadly, “You deserve so much better.”  
            That was it; that was the last blow to his walls. Fenris felt the tears start up again before he turned and rubbed his face into Hawke’s hand, his own bronze fingers gripping the lighter flesh tightly. Hawke gave a weak tug and coaxed Fenris to lie next to him, which the elf obliged, his head going to the much larger man’s shoulder.   
            “I’ll be here Fenris.” whispered Hawke as he felt all the pain ebb away and warmth spread over him. Something about having the person you loved the most so close was the best of painkillers. “When you’re ready.”   
            Soon, Hawke was once again sleeping soundly, his face no longer pinched in pain. Fenris stayed where he was, feeling a little silly that even though Hawke was the one with a hole in his chest; he still put easing Fenris’ fears before his pain. That was one of the best things about Hawke though, how kind and selfless he was.   
            Eventually Fenris brought himself to settle on Hawke’s shoulder, having missed the feeling of being so close to him greatly. Gently he nosed into Hawke’s nightshirt and inhaled, his eyes closing as he took in the scent of him.   
            _“I can be ready… sometime soon…”_ He thought to himself as he felt sleep wash over him. He didn’t know exactly when he would stop feeling fear, but for now he could put it aside and relish in the fact the person he loved still cared for him, and was not going to die.


	13. Chapter 13

            “This one asks that you follow them.” spoke the large pink… gelatinous alien. It’s front tentacle coming up and gently grasping the bronze hand that was hung limply. Fenris wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, or if he should ever be going with this… thing? Person? Alien? He had no idea what to refer to them as. All he knew was that Cai had told him to wait there and to not move.   
            “No.” he said flatly before yanking his hand away.   
            The Hanar turned and “looked” at him, “This one knows you will enjoy this. Please, follow me.” When Fenris didn’t obey, the Hanar gripped his hand once more before pulling. Curiosity wasn’t something that Fenris usually indulged in… however… freedom was something new and why not? How much harm could a giant ugly jellyfish do?

            Never in his right mind did he think he would have fallen into such a level of hell… Hanar were weird bastards, he was sure of that now. Caius was right to dislike them. All Fenris could do at the moment was hold the arms of his seat with knuckle white grip and do his best not to scream or kill. The… thing was gyrating on him, the loud music now thumping in his head, and the smell of alcohol was beginning a migraine.   
            He was about to excuse himself politely before something, squishy and a little slimy touched his face. Instantly he reeled away and glared at the being before him, their tentacles waving about and their nearly translucent body glowing slightly.   
            “I demand you get off m-”  
            He was cut off by a shriek, a very familiar one that he recognized from his turian. Turning he saw Cai in the doorway hugging himself as he dodged around a very sleazy looking Asari. “Cai?!”  
            “Fenris!” cried Caius as he jumped over a gold railing inside the club and came to his side. “Off my man sea pig!”   
            “This one is offended by yo-” it started.   
            “Do. I. Look. Like. I. Care?” asked Cai as he pulled up his arm and released his left omni-blade. “Back off my man.” Luckily the Hanar left, and that left Caius to look at Fenris is disbelief. “Seriously? Of all the prostitutes you could have fallen for it was a Hanar?”   
            “PROSTITUTE?!” roared Fenris as he stood and suddenly desired a bath more than anything. “People actually…. With those?!”   
            “YES!” wailed Caius as he turned Fenris towards the stairs so they could leave. “You were on your way to having tentacles up your glowy butt baby…”  
            Fenris groaned as he hurried out of the establishment, Cai hot on his heels as they both went straight back to BOB. “I feel… disgusting, violated, unclean!” snapped Fenris as he immediately began to strip as soon as he entered their bunk.   
            “Oh do you now?” snarked Caius as he began to strip as well. “Because I seem to remember telling you not to go off with strangers and to stay put! I also remember telling you that HANAR ARE FUCKING CREEPY!!”   
            “That’s speciesist Caius…” groused Fenris as he stepped into their bathroom, which was just a shower head over a toilet. “I am my own man as well! I don’t need to be treated as if I were a child!”  
            “Oh, Right, because I totally sleep with children.” Caius grumped as he gathered Fenris’ dumped clothing and threw it into a sanitation bag. Still nude, he then grabbed a decom wand and began to run the sterilizing light all over the room.   
            “You know what I mean!”  
            “Of course I know what you mean!”   
            “Then why are you constantly treating me as such?!”  
            “I don’t! I just worry! You’re a human Fenris, and on the run if I might add.” Caius then put the tool back where it belonged and walked over to their bathroom, “If something happened to you…” he began as he rested his head on the frosted door. “I would be without a heart.”  
            Slowly Fenris turned and rested his head on the other side of the glass, “I know…” he whispered, “I… I feel the same for you. You know that don’t you?”  
            “Yes.”  
            “Good…”  
            Caius swallowed thickly before he placed his hand on the glass, “I won’t hover so much… or try to keep you from having your freedom.”  
            Fenris placed his on the other side of the barrier between them, “I will remember to heed your warnings… and do my best to remain close by.”  
            It was several long moments before Caius cleared his throat, “May I… join?”  
            “You may.” Chuckled Fenris as he opened the door, his smile greeting the man he loved warmly as he entered. The room may be cramped, but he couldn’t bring himself to be away from the one who stole his heart for any longer.


	14. Chapter 14

            Happy squeals once again filled the halls of the countryside home. It was well hidden away from the majority of people, still close enough to town however. The woods surrounding the home proving enough of a hassle to keep anyone but those invited at bay.   
            What had once been a decrepit old manor was now a warm and happy home. The cobbled walls sporting flowering Ivy, large bright windows, a garden filled with various, herbs, flowers, and vegetables. The pattering of small feet on the sun warmed stones of the back patio sounded in the air, accompanied by loud sounds of young life. The hurried steps of larger bare feet hurrying after them with a warm velvety laugh followed closely.   
            “I will catch you!” chuckled Fenris as he playfully grabbed at his son. The bronze skinned boy squealing again before running from his Father’s grasp again. Fenris grinned brightly before he once again went after his offspring.   
            Bronze skin only a shade lighter than his father’s, soft thick brown hair that was as unruly as his mother’s, eyes so green and bright that they were clearly a mixture of his parents; those eyes huge and wonder-filled like his mother’s yet sharing the same color and expressions as his father. That wide happy grin clearly belonging to the woman who birthed him, while he had his father’s lanky and strong build. Faine, the son of Fenris and his Lady Hawke, the baby born in the middle of chaos, and a treasure the companions and friends of the inquisition adored. He was now five years of age this day and clearly enjoying himself as he played with his Father.   
            “Faine!” playfully growled Fenris as he finally caught his son and swooped him up, pulling him tightly to his chest and laughing. His son hugged him tightly around his neck, small hands gripping the long tail of hair at the back of his Father’s head. “How I love you little one, my apple dumpling.” He smiled as he pulled his head back to look at the creation he was most proud of.   
            “Oh? Still playing?” asked a woman’s voice as she came from the house. Her brown hair cut short, as it had been all those years ago when the two had first seen each other in that alienage back in Kirkwall.   
            Fenris looked up at his wife, his face softening as he took her features in once more. He really, had never dreamed he would ever be this happy; once a slave, once followed only by death and pain. It was this woman who had come to him in the sea of darkness. It was this woman who had held onto him as tightly as he had her while they struggled to survive their own demons. “ _Mellis_.” He sighed at her contently.   
            “My moon and stars.” smiled Hawke as she walked up to Fenris and leaned into him, her lips pecking against him in a short but sweet kiss; her hands then grabbing her son’s face and peppering his chubby cheeks with kisses, “And my baby!” her tone light and happy, full of joy.   
            “Excited for today?” asked Fenris as he put his left arm around his wife’s shoulders. The appendage only still with him because of her immense power and skill of healing, once it had held “the mark” and that had nearly taken his life… he was lucky to have such a woman by his side.   
            “Yes!” giggled the small child as he leaned on his father’s shoulder and snuggled up to the warm skin. His small hand reaching and touching his mother’s cheek lovingly. Faine was a happy child, created out of love and devotion, raised by the two post protective and loving parents anyone could ask for.   
            “Good, because everyone is coming! Aunty Eva and Uncle Anders. Unca’ Varric, Aunty Josie and Uncle Kay, Dorian and Bull too!” chimed Hawke as she grinned at her son before nosing against Fenris’ jaw, he let out a soft laugh before turning and nestling his nose bridge against hers.   
            “Uncle Kay?! Really!? Do you think he’ll teach me how to shoot a bow this time?!” gleamed Faine as he looked at his mother. She smiled softly and nodded, while Fenris groaned. That elven man would be the death of him; between him, Varric, Bull, Krem, Sera, Blackwall, Eva, Anders, and Sebastian… well his hair couldn’t get anymore white…  
            “You invited everyone for his birthday didn’t you?” he asked while pulling his loved ones closer to him and then steering them to go back inside their home.   
            “Of course! Everyone had such a big part of helping us with him at first. It’s only right that they be here to celebrate every wonderful moment we can commemorate our apple pie being born.” hummed Hawke as she took her young one from his father and set him on her hip.   
            Fenris took a moment to run his eyes over his Wife’s body. When he’d met her she’d been far from the typical figure, during his time as Inquisitor she’d thinned to almost alarming levels due to sickness and also carrying Faine in her womb. Now, she was gloriously curvaceous, and soft once more in all the right places, he couldn’t help but think that the maternal figure suited her pleasantly.   
            Wider soft hips, her breasts even larger than when he’d met her… which he would never admit to anyone but her that he loved. She was once more all grins and happiness when just a handful of years ago they’d both been all sorrow and desperation. He loved every moment of being a family man. He honestly didn’t know how he got so lucky. He had a woman who loved him, a wonderful and enchanting son, as well as another apple pastry “baking”.   
            Sitting in his chair, he watched as Hawke set their son down next to the Dawi, Kier and Dawn. Kier lifted his head and greeted Hawke and Faine with a happy sound. Faine grinning as he threw himself around the giant feline’s neck. If anyone made great nannies… it was the Dawi. Dawn raised her snowy head and nuzzled against Fain lovingly before yanking him into sitting position with her huge paw and beginning to groom his hair.   
            Fenris could only smile before his green eyes went to Hawke, who had been watching lovingly as well. She then turned and looked at Fenris, her eyes tearful and filled with sentimental emotion. He beckoned her to sit with him and she complied. While she had been moving to sit on the loveseat next to his chair he grasped her hand and yanked her into his lap, smirking as his arms held her tightly to him.   
            “I love you.” She whispered gently.   
            “I love you too…” he responded tenderly before tilting his head up to rest against hers. She happily met his and settled against him. “How are you?”  
            “I’m fine, I promise.” She smiled as she moved his hand to settled on her barely there baby bump, “You know, I have this incredibly handsome and caring elven man with me this time. You don’t need to worry so much.”  
            “Oh? Is there someone after my woman’s heart?” his voice playfully rough as he held her tighter, “I may just have to kill him.”  
            Hawke snorted before holding his face and kissing him, “Suicide is very unbecoming love.” He could only chuckle at that before resting his head against her ample chest.   
            “Thank you…”  
            “For what?”  
            He sat for a moment and thought about how to say what he wanted. How did he say it? That he was thankful that she had taken the job from Anso? That she had been so kind to him? That she had pursued him? That she had convinced him that he was more than just a broken soul? Did he thank her for loving him? Or for choosing him over the Prince? What about how she had carried his son inside her for nearly ten months? Or how she’d agreed to marry him? How she was giving him yet another reason to be over the moon with joy?  
            The answer was simple…  
            “Everything. From the moment I first saw you, to now, to growing old and dying together… Thank you.” Hawke whined under her breath and choked on an emotional sob, her arms going around his neck and hugging him tightly as she buried her face into his shoulder. He held her tighter and smiled, truly thankful for her.


	15. Chapter 15

            Wood shattered into splinters as he was thrown through it; his body landing with a sickening crack and then contorting in pain. Hawke opened his mouth in a silent scream at the pain he felt in his side, looking down his brown eyes honed in on the shard of wood that had skewered him.   
            “Hawke!” cried Fenris as his head whipped around, the glance was short lived and send a electric spark of fear through him. Growling he steadied himself and then focused in on the opponent before him. One of Danarius’ men, one he recognized… oh revenge would taste even better now.   
            That was until he heard Danarius chuckling; Fenris was hit with a force of magic and thrown back, landing beside Hawke who had been trying to pull out the wood. The male mage had stopped however and quickly moved to catch Fenris, his large hands holding the smaller male to his chest tightly as if to protect him.   
            He was protecting him, which was evident as Hawke grunted and then rolled over, his body caging Fenris and taking the beating of rain flame falling down onto them. Fenris held his breath as he gripped the front of Hawke’s shirt, the same soft grey fabric of the same shirt Fenris had met him in. Staring up at his pained face, Fenris felt his heart grow cold as he watched Hawke grimace in pain, before his eyes opened and glazed over. “Hawke…”   
            “I’m okay…” whispered the larger man as he looked at Fenris, his eyes still clouded with intense pain. “Don’t you worry… I’m just fine.”   
            It hurt; it hurt so badly to watch Hawke hurt like this for him. Fenris’ face morphing into a snarl before he pushed Hawke off him and jumped up, his hand wielding his massive blade. Dashing forward he sliced through two men at once; a dodge and a roll to the right, another man down. Leaping over a rage demon he began his assault towards the man he once called “master”.   
            He roared, he slashed, and he beheaded and ripped apart everything in his way. Each time he got close to the man though he was shot back by a force of energy. Eventually his stamina ran out, and he fell to his knees after having shakily pulled himself up.   
            “My little wolf, did you think you honestly had a chance?” asked Danarius as he walked up to Fenris. His hand moving to grab Fenris’ face only to have the elf jerk away from him and look up at him panting.   
            The older mage’s mouth opened to speak before he was blasted back, Fenris tensed at the feeling of electricity and rain that washed over his back. Turning he saw Hawke standing, his breathing heavily labored, but those bright brown eyes burning with a rage Fenris had only ever seen on Hawke when he wanted blood.   
            “Don’t. Touch. Him…” rasped Hawke as he straightened and yanked the wood from his side with an unknown strength; slowly, he began to walk forward.   
            Danarius got up from being knocked over and looked at Hawke, “You’re out of mana Champion… do you honestly think that you can beat me?” he asked.   
            Hawke kept walking until he was in front of Fenris, “No… I don’t.”  
            “Then how do you propose you keep me from touching what’s mine?” he asked.   
            Hawke looked at his feet, before smirking, “How about a trade?”  
            “You have noth-”  
            “I’m a Mage, a Wildling, I heal quickly and trust me… I know exactly what you could use that for.” smiled Hawke as he straightened his back and gave Danarius a smug look. “Blood magic is much stronger when you use blood saturated in magic. I offer up myself.”   
            Fenris stared up at Hawke wide eyed before he shoved himself to his feet and grabbed Hawke’s arm, “No!”  
            Hawke shoved him off, “Think about it Danarius… never ending supply of blood that will increase your power a hundred fold? All you have to do is let him go free, you’ve gone this long without him anyways.” His voice was as smooth as honey as he sold himself to Danarius.   
            “Interesting… you would willingly offer yourself up to become nothing more than my personal property to drain of blood?” asked Danarius.   
            “Anything you’d ask of me, as long as Fenris goes free and you never pursue him again, or hire anyone to.” grinned Hawke as he walked up to the other mage, making sure to put a swagger into his walk. “The Champion of Kirkwall, a powerful mage. Become your slave, your toy, and you can do whatever you want with me…” Hawke then lowered himself to one knee in front of Danarius, “Master.”  
            Fenris felt sick, he wanted to vomit. His skin felt clammy and he desired nothing more than to wake up and find out this was all a nightmare. It wasn’t however… it was all too real to see how Hawke gave him the sad look over his shoulder while Danarius talked about the gains from a trade.   
            That look, the look that said everything. Hawke loved him more than anything, more than his own freedom. Fenris had wanted nothing more than to be free… Hawke had wanted the same, but from a different captor. That look meant that Fenris mattered more to him than freedom. Hawke was trading in his hard earned freedom for shackled larger and heavier than any he’d had before… so that Fenris could have his removed completely.   
            “No! I won’t allow it!” snarled Fenris as he looked at Hawke. He crossed the distance at a speed that left Hawke’s hair moving in the air current. Hawke was lifted by the back of his shirt and hauled up, his larger body then shoved behind Fenris.   
            “Fenris!” snapped Hawke as he steadied himself. “Don’t interfere! It’s my decision and mine alone!”  
            “ _Vishante Kaffas!_ ” spat Fenris as he shot a glare at Hawke before turning his look at Danarius. The older mage still too stunned by what was going on to notice as Fenris slammed his fist into his face and sent him to the ground.   
            “You are no longer my master…” snarled Fenris as he lifted Danarius above his head effortlessly and tore from him his heart, “…and I will not allow you to be his.” Fenris then rounded on his sister, she begged for Hawke to help her, he turned his back on her… and Fenris killed the only relative he had.   
            Rounding then he turned to Hawke and shoved him into a support beam, “YOU IDIOT MAN!” he snarled as his gauntleted hands gripped the front of Hawke’s shirt and pinned him against the beam with new strength. “What were you thinking? That I would simply give you up in exchange for my own freedom?!” he asked with a venom filled voice.   
            Hawke rested his hands on Fenris’ and looked at him, “Would you hate me if I admitted I wasn’t thinking? All I had going through my head was that I wasn’t going to let you go back there. I know what blood mages like, and hell I’m a pretty sweet deal.” He halfheartedly smirked at that, his joke going limp.   
            Fenris growled and thumped up hard against the beam, “And leaving me alone is a better option?! What is freedom if I cannot be free to have what my heart wants?!”  
            “You were gonna be free you can have whatever your he-” Hawke started before Fenris snarled at him to silence him.   
            “The only thing I want is you! Stupid! Idiot! Moronic!” he went silent for a moment and his twisted look of fury fell into something much softer, filled with sorrow. “Wonderful, loving, and selfless man…” he finished before releasing Hawke and lowering his head. He didn’t want Hawke to see the tears that were welling in his eyes. Love was a terrible and wonderful thing all at once. “I am alone.”  
            “Fenris.” He looked up only to have Hawke lean in and catch his lips in a kiss. “I’m here, always have been, always will be.” Fenris couldn’t say anything as he stared at Hawke for a moment before blushing deeply and throwing his arms around the taller man’s neck. They were bloody, tired, injured, and emotionally exhausted… but somehow Fenris managed to jump up and wrap his legs around Hawke’s waist while the mage held him tightly and rested his forehead against his.   
            Love is wounding and healing, light and dark, nightmarish and dreamlike.   
            Love is terrible… and oh so wonderful. Especially when it’s a giant idiot who holds your heart.


	16. Chapter 16

            He watched silently as Hawke looked up at her brother. Her voice was firm as she spoke to him; his eyes glazed over and expressionless. All he could do was look away from her and nod. Fenris recognized that look, the one of utter defeat and hopelessness.   
            “Okay…” whispered Caius Hawke as he took a deep breath and let it out through his nose. Cai looked down at his sister and then nodded as he rubbed his palm against his forehead while he let her guide him towards the cave they had been standing outside of.   
  
            Fenris had been asked to come along with Merrill, of course he was asked, he was the only person with the stamina to fight up close; not that he didn’t have company up there in the blood of the fight, Caius may have been a mage, but he was more than capable with his Pataka of keeping in step with the elven tevinter. Merrill had a sad look on her face as she looked from Hawke to Cai, while she didn’t completely get along with Caius, she didn’t think he was particularly dangerous.   
            If anyone had as much control over himself as Fenris, it was Caius. Caius was a powerful mage, anyone could feel the way he vibrated the very air around him as he prepared for battle. It would kickstart Fenris’ lyrium markings into a quick charge… and it wasn’t painful surprisingly. It felt like a rush of cold when Cai’s magic touched him.   
            Caius had been caught breaking his seals just a few days earlier by his sister. They’d been fighting a possessed mage in another cave system on the wounded coast. Honestly Fenris hadn’t thought they were going to make it until Caius broke his seals and covered his allies in a barrier. He’d watched in awe as Fenris went toe to toe with the insanely powerful abomination, his magic turning into pure electricity as he split his weapon into two and then beat back the monster. His magic frying a piece of the demon to crisp with every hit until Caius had reformed his weapon and speared it through the heart. With a roar he turned it into nothing but glittering ash.   
            Fenris hadn’t realized his feet were moving until he skidded next to Cai, who had fallen to his knees and was panting, his hands and nose bleeding from the sheer intensity of his power. The warrior paid little attention as he gingerly put his hand over Cai’s and removed his weapon from him. “Are you…?”  
            Cai looked up at Fenris through his hair before he continued panting and nodded, his hand coming up and wiping the blood from his nose. “I’m okay, thanks though.” He forced a smile then and a dry chuckle. Fenris felt the corner of his mouth move up slightly.

            That was the first time he remembered being concerned for Cai. That idiot man was always so attentive and kind to him; sometimes it was irritating, most of the time it was endearing. No one had ever shown him such a gentle touch, especially not a mage. Yet here Cai was, a mage even, showing him a gentle hand and kind words that rang with sincerity.   
            Several times after that he had witnessed Cai do what would seem like the impossible. In Ander’s clinic, he brought a young boy back from the brink of death. He broke through three of his seals in order to save a woman in labor; even Anders had been petrified she wouldn’t make it. Yet, while Hawke had stared at her brother with a mixture of fear and rage, Anders had clapped Cai on the back and grinned at him, cheering that they’d once again saved a life. Not one, but two incidentally.   
            So, obviously, Fenris was confused as he looked at Dalia now; how could she feel a need to seal someone who obviously had control over his powers and used them for good? If anyone should be sealed it was her, she threw fireballs at people for the smallest of reasons. Fenris knew this because she often threw them at him while he was in the middle of fighting because he simply moved a little too far away. Not that he cared all that much, Caius had his back both in fighting and healing while they were together on the battlefield.

            Inside, Fenris watched as Cai removed his shirt and set it over a stalagmite. He noted in his mind what a pleasing sight it was to see how his muscles ripped under his skin, they were nearly as developed as his own… but Caius had his own appeal. Those seven intricate circles running up his spine then caught Fenris’ attention. They were the seals.   
            Such intricacy… those were some very powerful seals there, and seven of them? Caius had to have incredible willpower and raw magic within him if he was able to break through even one. Seven however? Fenris wouldn’t have believed it unless he’d seen it himself, felt it himself.   
            A familiar smell caught his nose as he looked up and watched as Merrill helped Hawke prepare the ink. “Is that Magebane?” he asked, his voice barely more than a growl. Magebane was a poison, Hawke was about to put poison in her brother’s flesh?  
            “Yes, It’s the key ingredient to the sealing ink.” She said coolly, “What are you even doing here Fenris? This has nothing to do with you.” her voice was nothing but bitterness as she spoke to him.   
            Fenris rose an eyebrow, why was he here? Well… he was here for Cai. Cai was kind to him and over the past three years they had bonded considerably. So much that sometimes Varric joked they were bound at the hip. It wasn’t hard to figure out why, Caius may be a mage but he was a mage Fenris felt… dare he say _safe_ around? They sat together, talked and laughed. He’d began to teach Fenris how to read and write, something that Fenris now looked forward to greatly each time. While Fenris sounded out the words of children’s books, Cai would clean his home and repair it… Fenris had to admit he liked the look of Cai grinning widely and sweating.   
            “For support.” was all he said. He then returned the look of irritation that Hawke sent his way before he moved and went over to where Cai was now kneeling on the ground. Softly he whispered then to his friend, “Are you sure you want to do this?”  
            Cai looked up at him and gave a forced, weak smile. “I have to… what if I hurt someone? I have to make sure that people are safe… she’s right… I’m dangerous.” his voice went hoarse before he stopped and then looked away from Fenris. That didn’t stop the elf from catching the bit of moisture welling under Cai’s dark lashes.   
            “If anyone is dangerous it’s your sister…” whispered Fenris before he sighed and gave Cai a sympathetic look. Cai looked at him and gave a weak smile, before nodding for him to move back.

            “Alright Cai, ready?” asked Hawke as she then looked to Merrill. The elven female looked at the woman who she held feelings for before looking at Caius. She didn’t get along with Caius… but it was all over Merrill’s face that she didn’t think it was necessary to seal him. She used bloodmagic, far more dangerous… though not as powerful as Cai. Why did Hawke accept her but demand her brother be sealed?  
            “Is this necessary?” she questioned, her light voice filled with uncertainty.   
            Hawke looked at Merrill sharply, “Yes, he doesn’t know how to control any of himself. Do you want him running around? Possibly killing people? His kind of power can’t be left unchecked.”   
            “He’s nowhere near out of con-” started Fenris but Hawke threw a fireball at him to shut him up. Fenris began to growl and started to glow… but he caught the look from a pair of brown eyes hiding under chocolate hair. Reluctantly, he calmed himself and looked away from Hawke.

            The argument was over then, Hawke knelt and fastened the incredibly thick and enchanted chains to Cai’s wrists, he visibly shook as he gripped the metal with white knuckle strength.   
            She didn’t even warn him before she pulled the scalpel from inside her coat and began to cut into her brother’s flesh. Fenris furrowed his brows as he watched Caius bite his lip at the pain and visibly tremble… but not a sign further of the pain.   
            Merrill had to look away as Hawke took a chunk of his flesh out and tossed it aside. Her hands just barely shaking as she held the bowl of black paste in her hands. Hawke however didn’t seem to be fazed… in fact; Fenris swore that by the look in her eye she was almost enjoying it.   
            Once Hawke was done with her carving of her twin, Caius let out the breath he’d been holding, a strong of saliva and blood coming from his mouth. He dared to look up at Fenris then and gave a weak smile to reassure him… and Fenris felt rage flare in him.   
            Who in their right mind would ever think someone like Cai would be out of control? Cai, the man with a calm demeanor and warm smile? Cai the twin who was completely selfless and did everything to protect the ones he cared for. Cai, the one who had ran into the burning light in order to rescue his sister in the deep roads. Fenris nearly snarled to himself as he thought of how it was so unfair that Hawke, who put herself first, could do this to Caius… who always put himself last.   
            Fenris was pulled from his thoughts as he heard a pained grunt and whimper from Caius. He looked up to see Hawke smearing the paste into the still bleeding wound and then shooting flame from her finger over the inked spot to seal in the marking. As she continued… Cai slowly lost more and more control of his voice, and near the end of it he was whimpering, large tears rolling from his nose and down to the cold floor.   
            He wanted to rush to him… he wanted to touch his face and hold him. He wanted to whisper every soothing word that Cai had said to him when he’d experienced Fenris going through a nightmare. Fenris wanted to make the pain go away and keep him safe… but he couldn’t.   
            He couldn’t bring himself to move as he watched, disgust and nausea rolling in his stomach as it brought back the phantom feeling of his own markings being carved into him. He knew he had screamed until he had passed out… Cai had been through this nine times? It hurt his chest to realize that Cai took this… it had to be punishment of some kind, willingly because he was so scared to hurt anyone he loved.

            By the time Hawke was done, her face was cold, nearly emotionless. Merrill looked pale, almost as green as her armor as she looked at all the blood that ran down Caius’ back. How his skin was blistered and still bubbling from the new marking. Quickly she dropped the bowl that was nearly empty of inking paste and ran for the far side of the cave, her hand over her mouth before she lost the contents of her stomach.   
            Hawke pulled a handkerchief from her pocket and wiped her hands on it. She then knelt and undid the confines of her brother’s wrists. They were red, angry, his fingers cramped from the intensity of which he was gripping the thick chain. “It’s done, you can stop crying now.” She whispered coolly before standing and walking over to check on Merrill.   
            Cai sat back and panted as he brought his hands up and tried to conjure some healing magic, instantly the new seal began to glow and he winced, his hands falling to his lap then. Fenris stepped quickly over to him and got on his knees in front of Cai.

            No words were exchanged as Fenris caught the other man’s eyes and questioned how he was. Caius gave him the weakest smile he’d seen yet and Fenris felt his heart crack just a bit. Slowly he moved his hand over to Cai’s and brushed their fingertips together. Had... he ever initiated touch with Cai? It was usually Caius coming at him slowly, questioningly, and Fenris would almost always agree.   
            Brown and copper met green and gold, slowly Cai’s pinky finger bent and Fenris gripped at it with his own. Something new was started just then, Fenris seeing the man who so fiercely protected everyone go through a pain he could truly sympathize with. 

            “Thank you…” breathed out Caius softly.   
            Fenris lifted the corner of his mouth softly and then tentatively laced his fingers with Cai’s, “What is it you tell me?” he asked just as quietly, “Anytime.” He repeated. That got a small laugh from Cai before they heard Hawke order for them to follow her out. Hawke didn’t notice, but Fenris kept close to Cai as he draped his shirt over his shoulders. Then, softly, Fenris linked his smallest finger with Caius and walked silently at his side.


	17. Chapter 17

            “Dalia, I know… I know, I know, I know…” sighed Cai Hawke as he sat on his queen sized bed and hugged his knees to his chest. On the cell phone he held to his ear was his twin Dalia. She was the one known as Hawke; Cai was her awkward younger twin and the quiet one. At least he had been in school. High school wasn’t exactly anyone dream place, but Hawke seemed to do fine. Cai on the other hand had a mental breakdown every day until he met someone who knew how he felt.   
            That was Fenris, to Cai he was the one thing he could cling onto during that one year that he barely managed to get through. As soon as the year was up, he dropped out of school. Fenris on the other hand had continued, as he should have. Fenris was smart, and tenacious. When Cai had met him he couldn’t read or write… which was why his grades were so terrible.   
            Long nights studying at the twenty four hour coffee shop, Cai’s support and guidance, and a hell of a lot of coffee later, He was breezing through work and earning himself straight A’s. Fenris had then graduated early, and the first thing he’d done after he had his degree in his hand was given a good solid beating to his foster parent. Years of living in torment, abused, hurt, treated as a slave, forced into shady dealings… Fenris had barely been hanging on much like Cai when they met. Together they somehow managed to stay sane until they could get out.   
            Caius himself? His home life wasn’t nearly as bad as Fenris. One wrong move when he dated a guy though left him with several scars. His mind and body wrecked and tormented from the encounter. Without his father Caius felt lost at home, not close to their mother at all and Hawke had done her best… but she wasn’t what he’d needed. He loved his twin and younger siblings dearly; they would never understand what he was now though.   
            After he’d dropped out he’d gotten a job as a dishwasher in a local dive bar, determined to somehow get a grasp. Somehow be able to support Fenris when they would be able to leave Kirkwall. Fenris had hopes to go to college, get a masters in literature, he loved books and reading… Cai was not going to deny the person he loved most his dream.   
            So he worked insane hours, nearly killed himself a couple times from exhaustion, but in the end he and Fenris had made it and they were out of there. Took Cai’s beat up old truck and moved to Ferelden. Fenris enrolled at Denerium Prestigious University, his grades and test scores earning him a great scholarship. Cai found them a tiny house in a sleepy seaside village, got a job at the local diner as well as taking off on his art and writing… they’d made it.

            A life that had been so hard, almost unbearable had somehow turned into a happy warm home. A small yard that Caius and Fenris would work on together, complete with a herb and vegetable garden. Their kitchen small, filled with mismatched cook and dinnerware a counter and small kitchen island that was way too short for Cai to work with without getting back pain. Complete with a bathroom, two toothbrushes in the cabinet behind the mirror… absolutely domestic. Long nights laying together in Cai’s truckbed, talking about how they would get away, make a home. Get away from all the pain and create themselves somewhere warm and happy where they would never hurt that way again.

            Fenris’ ears twitched as he heard Cai talking to Hawke. Well, most of the things that upset him were gone… a few would never be though.   
            “Dalia, I have a place already… and I don’t think I can handle you and Fenris fighting all the time. Where I go you know he is going to go too… You don’t have balls to bre-” Cai tried but his highschool sweetheart rushed over from where he’d been standing in the closet and grabbed the phone.   
            “Deal with it Hawke, he’s not moving.” Growled Fenris into the phone as he snatched it from Cai and then hung up abruptly. Fenris then stood his hand on his hip ad he held out the phone to his lover. “Don’t give me that look, we’re not.”  
            Cai gave a weak laugh and smiled up at Fenris softly. Throwing his phone over his shoulder he then pulled the elven man to him and hugged him, his chin resting on his chest. “I feel bad leaving her like that…” he admitted as Fenris looked down at his face softly and started running his hands through his thick dark hair.   
            “You’ve given up enough for your family. You gave up five years of your life and stayed with them when you were drowning. It’s your turn to be happy Amatus.” Hummed Fenris as he rested his bronze hands on Cai’s pale shoulders and just took in the face of the one person he held so dear.   
            Caius Hawke, not by any means an unattractive man, his face was however forever going to show the aftermath of those five years. He looked tired; his eyes however were getting brighter and brighter every day they lived in their home. Fenris loved that, he loved seeing those warm coppery brown eyes sparkle and light up; just like the first time they’d met. A rounder face with a strong jaw that held the most brilliant smile Fenris had ever seen. Dark brown, unruly hair and light olive toned skin that unfortunately was marred with hundreds of scars. Over his heart was Fenris’ name was tattooed and surrounded by various tiny flowers that all had a meaning. Cai was his incredibly tall, finally getting some muscle and getting healthier day by day, dorky, sweet, amazing boyfriend; his true love.  
  
            New student, wearing dirty too big clothes and desperately trying to hide in public; Caius had been in the back just behind an empty desk near the window. One moment looking at each other, and Fenris saw those previously fogged over eyes light up and sparkle at him. That look had made him feel something for the first time in a long time.   
            That one moment had forever changed them. When Fenris had found out Cai was a mage he’d been angry for about twenty minutes… and then he just couldn’t be anymore. Not watching Cai’s face fall from the soft smile he’d had and then saying how he understood of he wanted nothing to do with him.   
            Then Cai had found out about Fenris’ body… it hadn’t changed anything. That was the first time Fenris could remember feeling accepted and he’d actually cried. He’d let the dorky idiot mage hold him all night in the back of that truck and just cried. That’s when things had changed… a whole five months after meeting.   
            Things hit an explosive point two years into being involved with Cai. Fenris’ foster father had decided he’d had enough of waiting… he’d finally just had his entire way with him. Before it’s been forced touching and oral… and then it was nearly a whole night of pinching pain and silent tears. As soon as he could get up Fenris had ran, just run… all the way to Cai’s house.   
            For a long time all he did was stare up at Cai’s window and let tears run down his face. He wanted to so badly wake him... but just as he was about to leave Cai opened the window and looked down at him wearing a happy grin. “I thought I sensed y- …baby?” he asked before jumping out of the third floor window right there and coming to him.   
            Fenris couldn’t hold it in, and clumsily he told him what’d happened. He’d never seen Cai look so angry before, not when he got tormented at school… never. However at that moment Caius started sparking with lightning and his eyes began to glow orange. It lasted only a moment though before he took a deep breath and then ushered Fenris to the back door.   
            Some screaming later, Hawke had opened the back door and Fenris was inside, curled in the breakfast nook with some coffee while Caius got dressed and then nearly had to force him to go to the hospital. He’d gone, they’d taken a rape kit… and then Cai bullheaded against his mother to let Fenris stay with them… that was the one time he fought her and he’d won.  
           Things were horribly tense in that house. Leandra obviously disliked Fenris because of who he was, she was rough on Caius expecting too much of him as the oldest male. Even Hawke had some strain being into women when her mother was demanding she marry a good man.   
            Somehow Cai managed to hold both Fenris and his sister up through that last half a year of school. Then, just like that, they were gone the day after graduation… they didn’t tell anyone, just a short note saying Cai loved his family and that Fenris was thankful was left on the counter, and they were driving down the highway. Fenris sat up close and tight against Cai and hugged him the entire way, Cai kept his right arm around him and drove with his left as they sat on the bench seat… and for the first time in a very long time… they breathed.

            Kinsale was the place they’d stopped to eat in a diner several days later. The local Sherriff came in for coffee, asked them some friendly questions… and then they were being shown to the bank. Somehow they’d just been whisked up into making their home there.   
            It had been the best decision they’d ever made. Fenris did his college online, and Cai worked at that very diner as the new cook. Rent was cheap because the place needed some work and was TINY, barely six hundred square feet. It was home now… and a happy warm one.

            “I know…” sighed Cai as he pulled Fenris in tighter and then kissed him. One of those slow, deep kisses that made the shorter elf weak in the knees. “…and I am so happy. I have a home with the person who owns my heart.” He muttered against Fenris’ lips.   
            “Are you sweet talking me?” he asked as he rose a dark eyebrow and then pulled away slightly to look down at the mage.   
            “Is it working?”   
            “Maybe…”  
            Cai grinned and stood grabbing Fenris by the backs of his thighs and pulling him up. Instantly Fenris wrapped his arms around Cai’s neck and kissed him with new intensity.  “Good.” He managed to get out before pinning Fenris against the wall. The smaller man sighed as Cai moved his lips to his jaw and then neck, grinding a growing erection into his core.   
            “As much as I want this, you have work.” Fenris whined as he pulled his lover’s head back up and pecked his lips.   
            “I’ll quit.” panted Cai as he ground into him again and stole his lips for another kiss.   
            Fenris laughed before covering Cai’s mouth and looking at him seriously, “You can’t quit. Besides, I’m quite sure Mrs. Alaide will call Sebastian… and then I may have to kill him.”  
            “You know he’s totally straight right?” asked Cai as he yanked his head from Fenris’ hand and then nuzzled his jawline, “And no one could ever persuade me from you… I’m yours Fenris, only yours.”  
            “He is straight… until it comes to you. For some reason he has been telling Wynn at the library you absolutely shine with innocence. He clearly does not know y-” Fenris was cut off by a hard trust against him and Cai’s teeth nipping at his neck… his words melting into aroused gasping.   
            “Who’s innocent now?” questioned Cai, making a point to prove that he indeed have a mischievous side. “He can’t mean me, not when all I can think about is ravaging the man I love.”   
            Fenris growled and pulled his face into yet another deep kiss. “Okay. No. Go to work!” demanded Fenris as he squirmed and got free of his Hawke’s grasp. “Go work! Make money! Stand in the walk in freezer for an hour or two!”  
            “That wouldn’t kill the fire in my heart, or loins for you my moon and stars.” Charmed Cai as he leaned in and caressed Fenris’ face for just one more loving kiss. “Continue this later?”  
            “… Maybe.” smirked the white haired elf.   
            “Then I shall return, with wine, and chocolate.” Caius announced before taking a profound bow and grabbing his Chef’s jacket while heading to the door. “Bye love! See you tonight!”   
            “Wait!”   
            Cai turned around just in time in the walk way to have Fenris run up and grab him by the back of the head for a deep and emotional filled kiss goodbye. “See you tonight.” He sighed happily before hugging Cai’s way too big shirt around him tighter and walking back inside. He turned in the doorway and waved goodbye before closing it slowly.   
            Cai Hawke stood there, still in shock from such a kiss before a wide grin split on his face and he did a little dance. He was head over heels in love with that cheeky, mischievous, brooding elf man and he loved it.


	18. Chapter 18

            “You’re sure about this?” asked the tallest male as he looked to his right and caught the eyes of the white haired elven male next to him. “This is what you want?”   
            “Any future to be had, I want it to be with you…” said Fenris gently as he slid over and settled up against Caius. He nuzzled against his chin as Cai pulling him even tighter with his right arm.   
            “Alright… I just want to make sure that you are making this choice on your own. Not for me, not for anyone but you.” He whispered as he quickly pecked Fenris’ temple. The elf sighed contently before hugged Cai around his middle and resting his head against his shoulder. If there was anyone in the world worth following, it was him. Cai had walked through the fire for him, had fought his mother in order for them to stay together. He’d dealt with the years of his sister trying to keep them apart. She’d done it out of love and wanting to protect Cai, but in the end she had been a contributing factor to some stress. Thankfully, they were now leaving that all behind. Fenris hadn’t looked back and neither had Cai as they drove on the lone highway in the night; the radio playing soft music and the windows down so they could smell the fresh fall air.   
            “I love you.” whispered Cai as he held Fenris a little tighter for a moment. The more distance they put between Kirkwall and them the more he felt like he could breathe.   
            “I am yours.” muttered Fenris as he settled into the soft grey plaid fabric of Cai’s shirt. He opened his green eyes and gazed up at Cai then, there had to be a higher power. That was the only explanation Fenris could think of for the luck of finding someone to love him so dearly.   
            “and I am yours, _only_ yours.” grinned Cai as he then looked back at the road.

            One moment it was just starry sky and highway in front of them, the next a wall of fire erupted and Cai had to slam on the breaks and swerve to avoid driving right through it. Fenris gripped the back on the bench seat and then slammed his hand down on Cai’s chest to keep them both from going into the dash. Instinctively Caius threw up a barrier around them and hugged Fenris to him tightly, his hand cradling the snow haired head against his chest.   
            When the truck came to a stop, Caius was panting, his brown eyes wide. Fenris looked up only to see a dark haired figure out of the rear window. “…Hawke…” he whispered before looking at Cai, who’d gone ridged. Fenris watched as those brown eyes began to glow orange, and he slid from Cai’s grasp slowly. Cai looked at him gently before stroking his cheek, causing the lyrium markings to spark to life. He then exited the truck and glared daggers at his twin.   
            “You could have killed us Dalia!”  
            “You deserve it! up and leaving like that.” roared the short curvaceous female as she conjured fire in her hands. Caius narrowed his eyes and continued walking, electricity filling the air and ice beginning to frost the highway.   
            “You really want to leave it like this?” he asked it began to rain, his doing, the waters soaking the fire and putting it out.   
            Dalia growled, “You think you have a Chance? I can kick your ass Cai! Come back home!”   
            “I’M NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR THAT HOUSE AGAIN!” he snarled as lightning struck near her feet. She jumped and then looked at Caius, seeing his eyes glowing and his hair beginning to stand on end. “You’re not keeping me away from freedom, you’re not going to keep me from Fenris, you’re not getting anywhere near him even if I have to slaughter you.”  
            “You would say that to your own twin?!” she asked shocked. He wasn’t sealed, she could feel it now as the power of his magic continued to multiply, her flames dying. His words sunk in and she deflated, tears in her eyes. “Cai… I never… I never meant to make you feel trapped.”  
            Caius narrowed his eyes at her, “I understand your intentions Dalia. However I am not the weak child you watched crawl out of the woods four years ago. I’m not okay, I’m still broken and fighting the dark every day…” he admitted as he finally calmed, “But I have someone who wants to stand by my side through all this. Just as I will do for him…”  
            “You really love that asshole don’t you?” she asked then, her eyes spilling tears but looking at her brother fondly. When had he turned into a man? Why hadn’t she noticed? When did he learn to stand tall and strong again?   
            Caius pulled in his magic and looked at her with a happy grin she hadn’t seen in years, “All my heart. I’m his.” he shrugged. “We’re not okay here Dalia. We’re suffocating, there’s no future for us here, no happiness…” he drifted before holding his head high, “So we’ll make a home somewhere else, together.”  
            How could Dalia argue with that? How could she argue against letting her twin and the one he loved find happiness? She couldn’t. It didn’t stop her from hurting though, they’d always been together… they were two sides of the same coin. Cai walked up to Dalia and hugged her tightly, cradling her head to his lower chest. The high difference shocked her now, she knew he’d grown tall… but when had he started to feel tall?   
            “You’re my sister, my _twin._ I love you… always will.” He whispered to her, “It’s time for me to stop letting everyone protect me though. You’ve already bloomed into an incredibly dazzling flower Dalia… Now it’s my turn, Fenris’ turn…”   
            “You and your stupid pretty words…” she sniffled as she hugged him as tightly as she could. “Promise you’ll call?”  
            “Every day once we find somewhere to settle; and we’ll come visit you on the holidays. We never planned to erase you from our lives, just to go and finally begin ours.” He explained as he picked her up into a bone crushing hug.   
            “Okay! Ack! Okay!” she whined before patting his arms, “I just… I’ll miss you.”  
            “I’ll miss you too Dallily.” He smiled as he turned away. Walking back to the truck he got in and Dalia stood on the outside of the open window, watching as Fenris tucked himself close to Cai and gave her a very hostile look.   
            “You hurt my brother and I will personally hunt you down asshole.” She threatened. Cai gave her a scowl and she deflated again, “So… take care of him… okay?”  
            Fenris rose a dark eyebrow before he looked at Cai and then back to her. Dalia felt shock once again slap her across the face as Fenris offered her his hand and gave her a genuine smile. “I will miss you too Hawke.” Cai gave a small laugh before he nuzzled against Fenris and restarted the truck.   
            “I mean it!” snarled Dalia as she watched them. She felt the tears starting again, her precious younger twin. Someone she’d watched get the ass end of luck so many times. Someone she’d watched get beaten down in life until he couldn’t stand anymore.   
            He was standing now, hand and hand next to that infuriating elf. Final goodbyes were exchanged as well as a kiss on the cheek from her brother. She poked fun at his scruff and he merely smirked at her. The Lady Hawke then watched and hugged her jacket around her as she watched that old, beat up, dark truck speed off and down the highway… taking a piece of her heart and his other half with him.


	19. Chapter 19

            “What are you up to Caius?” asked the white haired male as he looked out the window of the truck and saw that they were a good way outside of Kirkwall now. Not that he minded all that much, the longer he was out of the house the longer was his time away from his abusive Master slash foster father. The longer he was away from being beaten and hurt and belittled.  
             Cai just smirked as he pulled off the road and started to drive down a dirt path, “You’ll see. I promise you’ll enjoy it.” he added gently as he offered Fenris his hand.

          They’d known each other maybe a year now… met in their English literature class. Fenris had walked in wearing a giant hoodie over an even larger t-shirt and a pair of ill-fitting jeans, shoes that obviously were well past the amount of times they should be warn. His hair cut off all choppy and looking exceptionally bad, his small frame pitiful… and earning him quite a few laughs from the other students.   
            Except for Caius Hawke, he hadn’t been paying attention until he’d heard laughter. Looking away from the window his brown eyes had fallen onto the new student. Suddenly, clouded and dark eyes lit up and shone with a new light… one that instantly caught the elf’s attention. Caius was tall, kind of on the skinny side… he looked exhausted with deep dark circles and bags under his eyes, his hair dull and sticking up at all angles. He wore a way too big dark sweater over torn up stained blue jeans and worn boots.   
            “You can go sit over there in front of Cai, he’s friendly, so if you have any questions feel free to ask him.” instructed their teacher as she motioned to the desk in front of the tall young man. Fenris nodded and kept his head down as he walked over to the desk and sat down, sliding a canvas sack that was his book bag under his desk.   
            “Hi…” whispered a tone that was warm and rich with something Fenris didn’t recognize. “I’m Caius, Caius Hawke… if you want to you can call me Cai.” He introduced with his hand now outstretched.   
            Fenris turned around at the sound of the voice and looked at Cai, “I am… Fenris, Fenris Viridio…” he nearly spat. Caius looked at him curiously before Fenris felt a little silly, “Please… don’t use my surname…”   
            “I will remember not to.” smiled Cai gently as Fenris took his hand and shook it. From that day forward, their friendship had grown.

            A few weeks after that, Fenris was sitting next to Cai in the coffee shop in lowtown. He was smiling gently to himself, as he watched Caius draw out another worksheet for him to practice writing his letters on. The beautiful and delicate script of Cai’s handwriting giving him a happy feeling as he took in Cai’s profile. That young face just beginning to grow some facial hair, how his brown eyes focused in on the paper so intensely it made a small spark fire up in Fenris’ chest.   
            He smiled to himself until Cai took a drink of his coffee and set it down, stirring it. Fenris wouldn’t have noticed if his lyrium markings hadn’t flared up at the use of magic. Cai twirled his finger over the cup for a few seconds before letting it be, the spoon however continued to spin around in the cup.   
            “…You are a mage?” asked Fenris, fear and hate rising up in his chest.   
            Cai looked up from his work curiously, he then looked down at his coffee cup when Fenris’ eyes darted to it. “Oh, yeah. My dad was one, so are my twin and younger sisters.” He said with a shrug. Caius seemed to notice how tense Fenris got before he looked a little surprised. “… Does… that bother you?”   
            “Yes!” snapped Fenris, “Of course it would bother me! There is nothing in this world that isn’t spoiled by magic!” he snarled as he began to pack up his things. “I can’t believe you would hide something like this from me! I thought…” he stopped and drifted off, “I thought we were friends…”  
            “We are friends! Fenris! I didn’t keep it from you I just didn’t think it would matter!” urged Cai as he stood and looked at Fenris, his hands going palm up in front of Fenris to show him he was innocent. “I’m a mage, but I would never hurt you with magic is that’s what you’re scared of! Spirits… Fenris I would never hurt you!”   
            “Oh, A typical thing for someone to promise!” snapped Fenris as he snarled up at Cai. “The same thing Danarius promised to the Tevene social workers when he took me in!”   
            “I am NOTHING like him!” snapped Caius as he looked down at Fernis sternly.   
            Fenris hit him with his canvas sack, “Meaningless words! All mages are the same!” he snapped before looking down at his white lined hands, “Everything magic touches it spoils!”   
            “That’s not true! Not at all!” pleaded Caius as he took the hit and then looked down at Fenris gently. “You know that’s not true!”   
            “Name one thing!”   
            “You.”  
            Fenris stared up at Cai with wide eyes, his heart now thumping in his chest as he felt those brown eyes take in the features of his face. Cai opened his mouth once, closed it, then again, only to close it again before he sighed out his nose. “Magic… is indeed powerful and can do a lot of harm. I have been on the receiving end of that, blood magic in specific… however I can honestly say, with all my belief behind it, that not all magic is bad.” he spoke softly before his eyes rose from his feet and looked into Fenris’, “Because Magic, is a part of who you are too… and you…” he drifted before blushing deeply and rubbing the back of his neck, he didn’t pull his eyes from Fenris’ though, “You are wonderful… nothing about you is spoiled.”  
            That was the first moment Fenris honestly felt like someone cared for him. The way Caius looked at him, as if he was the most beautiful and wonderful thing to ever exist. Those words spoken from truth and not from want… Fenris’ heart started beating fast in his chest before he pulled his gaze away from Cai’s.   
            “You… are right. You are not Danarius.” He said softly. “I am sorry.”   
            “It’s okay… I’m never going to hurt you Fenris. You are important to me…”   
            Fenris looked up at him again before smiling weakly and looking away, “You are to me as well.” The rest of the evening was spent with them talking, sharing their past experiences with magic over coffee and huddled into the corner of that coffee shop in their favorite booth.

            The next time something profound happened was after Caius had dropped out of school, a good year and a half after they’d met. It was late, and Fenris had stayed behind to finish a project in the school library. Upon leaving he was grabbed and shoved into a brick wall.   
            “So, knife ear, we hear that you’re not a man at all.” laughed a human male as he grabbed the back of Fenris’ hoodie and threw him at one of his companions. Fenris stumbled and was caught by the friend.   
            “Yeah, we heard you actually are a little rabbit bitch.” The companion taunted.   
            Fenris sighed heavily before he yanked himself out of their grasp and backed away, his eyes narrowed and watching them. He knew this would come to surface sooner or later… how long did he think he could keep it under wraps.   
            “What I am is none of your concern, seeing as we are not even in the same social circles.” Spoke the male as he straightened. “Save yourselves and leave me be.”  
            “Save ourselves? What can a tiny bitch like you do?” asked the first companion as he stepped closer and grabbed Fenris’ front.   
            Fenris growled before his markings started up and he rammed his hand into the male holding him, when the teenager’s face twisted in pain he pulled it back out. “That.” his voice dripping with venom. The two then took off running, and Fenris sighed, before picking up his bag. He then heard a familiar engine and turned around to see Caius pulling up the school way in his dark truck.   
            “So, I heard that my favorite person was working late at school… want to get dinner? I got paid.” grinned Caius at Fenris.   
            The elf looked at Cai before he smiled gently, and that’s when the coldest feeling hit him. What if Cai found out? What if Cai thought he was disgusting? The very idea of that had Tears spilling down his cheeks before he realized it.   
            Ever doting, Caius noticed and got out of the truck, rushing over, “Fenris? What’s wrong? Did something happen?” he asked, panic in his voice as he very slowly put his hands on Fenris’ arms, letting the male see it coming for a good while. Fenris hid his eyes in his sleeve and turned away before nodding. “Do you want to talk about it?” Fenris shook his head then. Cai gave a noise of acknowledgement before ushering him to the truck, “How about some food? We’ll go to the drive in? There’s a cool documentary on wolves, would you want to see that?” he asked. Fenris nodded, he liked wolves… for obvious reasons. Cai was scared of them, but the fact he wanted to take him made him feel a little better.   
            In the drive in Fenris sat on the far side of the bench seat, in his hands he held a huge soda while staring at his lap. Cai, while watching the documentary closely, was absorbing information like he always did. Fenris looked at him, before back at his lap. He should tell him...  
            “I am not male.”  
            “Hmm?” asked Cai as he turned and looked at Fenris.   
            “I am not a male” he repeated.  
            “… What?” asked Caius looking who was now completely confused.   
            Fenris sighed and set his cup on the dash, moving to sit on his knees on the bench seat he pulled his hoodie and t-shirt up and over his head to reveal several ace bandages binding his chest. “I am not a man, I do not possess… the same genitals as you…”   
            Cai was bright red in the face as Fenris moved, and then when he took off his shirt Cai dropped the french fry he had been about to eat, his eyes wide and mouth agape. It wasn’t that he was shocked, okay he was very shocked, but not because of the fact that Fenris wasn’t genetically male. It was because Caius took one look at Fenris wearing nothing but those bandages on his chest and he instantly felt his whole body heat up. “… Spirits smite me…”  
            “You are angry with me…”   
            Cai jumped, “NO!” he nearly shouted. Calming, he then took a deep breath, “No, I’m not angry; surprised… but not angry.”  
            “Does this bother you?” Fenris asked, very self-conscious now.  
            Cai smiled nervously before laughing under his breath, “Not in the way you’re thinking…”   
            Fenris rose a dark eyebrow, “Explain.”   
            “I’m bothered by the fact you are without a shirt… I erm… have always found you very attractive Fenris. This is kind of… well you get it.” Cai explained while looking away absolutely crimson in the face.   
            That shocked Fenris, “You…” he paused suddenly as he darkened, “Me?”   
            “Yeah… ever since I first saw you. If you haven’t noticed I just can’t help but light up at the sight of you. I mean, I’m just some idiot guy with nothing to offer anyone so I know you would never consider me and with everything we’ve both been through… I’m happy just being able to be your friend.” Caius told him, his voice moving from happy to nearly broken at the last part.   
            He pulled on his shirt as he listened and Fenris felt his chest grow tight at Cai saying he wasn’t worth much. Before even thinking Fenris reached and grabbed Caius’ face, his lips meeting his in a very clumsy kiss. Caius’ eyes closed as he reciprocated, his brows furrowing, and Fenris followed, falling into the movements of Cai’s lips pecking against his gently. He wrapped his arms around the larger man’s neck and Cai set aside his food onto the dash to wrap a single arm around Fenris’ middle.   
            “Doesn’t matter what your chromosomes are Fenris. I like you because you are the most beautiful and wonderful person in my life. I have feelings for you because I feel a connection to you on levels I have never felt before. I adore everything about you, from the way you brood to your enchanting gaze…” whispered Cai before he rested his forehead against Fenris’. “Plus you are now the owner of my first consensual kiss.” he smirked.   
            “Fair trade for mine... and I don’t brood.” chuckled Fenris as he held Cai’s head and kissed his nose. “I like you too… from your incredibly bright smile to your dorky personality.”   
            “Admit it, I’m at least a little charming.” smiled Cai as he leaned in and pecked Fenris’ lips again.   
            Fenris laughed softly and returned the small kiss, “Maybe a little…”

            Every day from then on Cai picked Fenris up a block from his neighborhood to take him to school and then also picked him up when classes were over. They spent their time together in many ways. Most of the time Fenris would study and do his schoolwork while Cai returned to work and tended the bar. He was underage but that didn’t exactly mean anything to the dwarf who owned it, as long as Cai didn’t steal any drinks while on the job. Which Cai never did, he didn’t drink much. Fenris occasionally got a glass of wine after the restaurant closed; it helped to calm his nerves as he studied.   
            He was happy, Cai proved to be someone affectionate and doting. Eternally patient and nothing changed much more other than Fenris could not stare at Cai’s mouth at times and then get to taste them instead of just feeling foolish.   
            Of course though, Caius had to make a show out of asking Fenris to go out with him. A Friday night Caius picked up Fenris after school, a basket of fine home cooked food in the seat next to him when Fenris got into the truck. He drove them out to a lake a few miles outside of Kirkwall.   
            Fenris enjoyed the picnic in the truck bed next to Cai, he laughed when Cai reached in and started up the radio. He turned red when Cai stood and held out his hand to dance. Of course however, Fenris took it and he was pulled in close. Cai softly sang every word of the song into his ear as they slow danced through it.   
            “Fenris?” he asked at the end of the song. The elf was giddy on happy emotions, but he made a questioning noise and looked up at Caius anyways. Cai took a deep breath then and laced his fingers with the bronze ones of Fenris. “Would you want to be my boyfriend?”   
            “Yes.” answered Fenris after several long moments of just taking in Cai’s face and ingraining it into his mind. “Yes, I would like that.” His face slowly growing a bright grin before yanking Cai down into a deep love filled kiss. That’s how their relationship started.

            “You’d better hope I do… I have a final on Monday I have to study for.” sighed Fenris as he crossed his arms and then smirked at Cai from his side of the bench seat. Cai just looked sideways at him and gave a bright little laugh.   
            “I promise that you won’t miss your final or studying for it.”  
            “Mmhmm, where are we going?”  
            “Okay so you know Varric Tethras? My Boss? Well… I told him it was our one year anniversary. He offered up his little lakeside place to us as a gift.” Explained Cai as he pulled up to the tiny house right on the edge of the water. “I thought… it would be nice to maybe spend the weekend together, just us.”  
            Fenris’ eyes went wide as he looked at the place and then to Cai. Cai himself was giving Fenris a soft look, one filled with the words that he so badly wanted to say. “It is nice…”   
            “I’m glad you think so.” Grinned Cai before he blushed deeply and then leaned over. Fenris smiled and met him in the middle to exchange a slow sweet kiss. “I’m not sure how other anniversaries go… but I thought us playing domestic for a weekend would be a nice way to celebrate.” He admitted.   
            Fenris couldn’t agree more. The idea of being able to wake up next to Cai, and not next to his master or the master’s favorite was something he treasured. He was excited, for the first time he could remember, for something.


	20. Chapter 20

            It started with a single kiss. That first kiss followed by another, and another, and another; followed by Fenris pushing Caius up against the counter in the kitchen and resting his tanned hands on the larger male’s waist. Pale hands came up and held Fenris’ face gently, caressing him as Cai broke the kiss and looked down at him. His heart fluttered inside his chest as he watched Fenris’ pupils dilate, his hands coming up and resting on top of Cai’s much larger ones.   
            “Fenris…” sighed Caius longingly as he moved his fingers softly and stroked some white locks from Fenris’ forehead. Doing this he exposed the three white dots just above the space between his eyes; his brown eyes taking in every detail of Fenris’ face. Could he ever express to him in words how much he loved him? How important he was to him?   
            How did you tell the person who had you in mind, body, and soul that you were willingly theirs? He didn’t know… so many times after what had happened to him he’d thought that he would never find anyone who could love him. Let alone someone was wonderful as Fenris.   
            Yes, Fenris was a grouchy, ornery, moody, and prickly young man. He was quick to judge against anyone with magic. He could be the most infuriating being alive… but Caius loved him. He loved all his flaws and perfections. He loved the way his eyes lit up when he saw something he liked. He loved the way Fenris still to this day tried to hide his smiles. He loved the way Fenris would nuzzle into the fabric on his chest when they laid together and slowly fall asleep. If anything showed Cai how much he mattered to Fenris, it was that trust; the trust of being able to run his hands through Fenris’ thick white hair and get a contented sigh instead of a growl of frightened tension.   
  
            Fenris sighed contently and nuzzled his face into Caius’ warm, calloused palm. Was this what love felt like? To feel safe, and wanted, and protected against anything that may harm him? Was love a feeling that stung just a little but also made him want to be giddy? It had to be, because that is what Cai did for him. This, giant, idiot young man made him feel over the moon, like he could walk on air and as if his life weren’t that of a prized object.   
            He felt his brows furrow as he thought of his home life, and instantly his heart began to ache. However, just as soon as it came on it was gone as Cai lifted him up and set him on the counter, now at a more appropriate height for his love. Gently Caius pressed the bridge of his nose against Fenris’ and soothed him with a gentle noise. He hadn’t realized that a small amount of tears had formed then, however Cai was there to chase away the pain again with his warm voice and loving touch.   
            This was what love felt like. Fenris was certain of it now. How could he not be when being so close to someone usually set him on edge and made him fearful and angry all at once? Being so close to Cai did the exact opposite, and he wanted it to never end.   
            “Cai.” He whispered softly, the sound of his name on his tongue bringing a warmth into his heart again. Fenris ran his hands up Cai’s chest and up to his face, taking in the feeling of his solid chest, and then neck, how his closely shaved face felt on his fingers and palms. How Cai melted into his touch and let him freely explore like Fenris had never dared to before.   
            Caius’ face was warm, a strong jaw and chin with round cheery cheeks, high cheekbones, a long nose that ended with a rounded off tip. He had large eyes like his sister with lashes just as dark and thick as hers. His eyebrows were kept, something Fenris had teased him a few times over, now he ran his fingers over them and felt his chest ache at how special that was to him. Cai’s large ears were something Fenris had joked at before as well, which he had no business doing anyways being an elf, however Cai’s were pierced with metal earrings etched with runes to help seal in his magic.   
            Fenris loved Cai’s hair, so thick and unruly. It could never be tamed; he would know… they’d tried together several times. He took that as a good thing now… because Caius could never be tamed. He wasn’t a wild force of destruction like his sister; he was a raging rainstorm that nourished his loved ones. His chocolate colored hair represented this, and Fenris adored it.   
            “I love it when you touch me…” sighed Cai as Fenris affectionately scratched at his scalp.   
            He smiled gently, a soft affectionate look on his face as he continued to gently rake his nails into Cai’s hair, “I enjoy touching you.”   
            Cai smirked as he rested his forehead against Fenris’ again and leaned in on the counted, his hands flat on the marble surface. Fenris moved with him, scooting forward just barely. Daringly he brought his legs up and rested them on Cai’s hips, earning a graveled moan. Deciding he enjoyed that sound, he pulled Cai closer against him with his legs and crossed his ankles behind his waist.   
            “You, Sir, are making it very hard not to kiss you.” Hummed Cai as he ghosted his lips over Fenris’ only to pull away when he tried to actually touch their lips. Fenris growled and pulled his head back to him, claiming Cai’s mouth with his own.   
            “Then kiss me.” He ordered after breaking the kiss for a breath.  
            “Should I?” teased Cai as he brought his hand up to Fenris’ lower back and pulled him flush against him.   
            “Yes.”  
            “Really?”  
            “Cai…”  
            “Oh but, I don’t know… maybe I should consult the one who owns my heart to see if it is okay to kiss you.”  
            “They say it’s more than okay.”  
            “How do you know?”  
            “ _Kaffas_!” cursed Fenris, “Because…” he started before sealing his lips to Cai’s demandingly. “ _You are mine_!”   
            “Am I now?” chuckled Cai as he pecked his lips along Fenris’ jawline to just below his ear and sucking at the flesh to leave a mark.   
            “Yes.” Fenris panted as he nearly went limp in Cai’s grasp, “Just as _I am yours_.”  
            That made Cai pause and look up from his playful assault on Fenris’ throat, “…what?”   
            Fenris blushed further, however he held Cai’s gaze and leaned up, “I am yours.” He repeated softly. “Happily and willingly… yours.”

            “Cai! I swear to the maker, if you don’t get your ass out to the truck and go and BUY condoms that I will not be in the mood anymore!” growled Fenris as he flopped back down in the large, lumpy, mismatched sheet and blanket covered bed that was in the place.   
            “Yes, because getting impatient with me is totally killing my desire for you.” Snorted Caius as he poked his head back in the room and, “If you want to cool my jets beloved, acting as if you really want this is not the way to go.”  
            Fenris lifted his head before grabbing a pillow and chucking it at Cai, “Go get condoms!”   
            Cai dodged the pillow only to disappear for a second, “What about cling wrap?!” he inquired while holding the roll in view.   
            Fenris sputtered into laughter and fell back onto the pillows again, “Are you KIDDING?!” he howled before sitting up and leaning back on his hands. His head tilted to a bronze shoulder and his lyrium markings gave a faint glow as he chuckled to himself, “No that’s not going to work.”   
            “Tinfoil?” Cai joked.  
            “NO! We are NOT putting aluminum foil in me!” cried Fenris as he got up and walked across the bed, jumped down, and then sauntered into the kitchen. Fenris was wearing nothing but Cai’s way too big t-shirt, while his boyfriend was sliding across the kitchen in only his boxer briefs and socks. “How is it that I fell for the one genetic male that does not carry a condom in his wallet?”  
            Cai stood straight and looked over his shoulder, “My moon and stars, have I ever struck you as the type of guy who is hoping to get laid?” he asked as he threw himself across the polished wood floor and went to his knees in front of Fenris, his long arms going around the thin hips of the smaller male’s. “I wasn’t even expecting you to want to this weekend… or ever.”   
            With a smirk Fenris raised his hands and ran them through Cai’s hair, “I did not think I would want to… ever.” He admitted before bending and kissing his lover softly, “I met a man who was able to earn my trust enough however.”   
            Cai gave him a warm happy grin, his hands now stroking at the back of Fenris’ thighs. “I love you.” He whispered before resting his head against Fenris’ stomach and hugging him tightly.   
            “I am yours.” Hummed Fenris happily as he continued to stroke Cai’s hair. “Now go find a condom!” he demanded while shoving Cai back. The mage gave a short laugh before jumping up and grabbing his boyfriend, throwing the smaller man over his shoulder.   
            “What are you up to?” asked Fenris as he was thrown down onto the mattress, he fell back again, feeling warm and fuzzy inside as Cai stared at him. Part, a very miniscule part, of his brain wanted to be alarmed by all this. However his heart won over, he trusted Cai to never hurt him.   
            “I haven’t checked the bed and bathrooms yet.”  
            “You went straight to the kitchen? For condoms?”  
            “… Seemed like a good idea when all the blood went from my head up north right down to the one down south.”   
            “I understand nothing of your logic.” Smiled Fenris as Cai went into the bathroom. The search ended up with nothing in there however.   
            Curiously Fenris opened the drawer on the left side of the bed, inside a box of condoms with a bow and a scribbled not that read, “ _Good luck, be safe_.”   
            “Your boss has yet another gift for you.” He called   
            “Hmm?” asked Cai as he came from the wardrobe, Fenris handed him the box… and Cai turned dark red. “How is it that Varric knew something that we didn’t?”  
            “I think it was more he was assuming two young people alone together for the weekend?” offered Fenris.   
            “…Heh, and here I was hoping for some cuddling at the most.” Smirked Cai as he leaned over and pecked at Fenris’ lips. He responded by kissing Cai back and stroking his cheek.   
            “We’re… different.” Whispered Fenris softly as Cai went and turned off the lights.   
            “Yeah, we are… but I’m happy with you no matter what Fenris. I’m yours.” He whispered as he crawled back into the bed and settled beside his small lover. “Only yours.”

            Nervousness overtook his stomach as he sat back on his knees and looked at Cai before him. Fenris couldn’t find the words to describe how intimate this all was for him, for his lover. To see his Cai lay there, legs open, exposed to him with his cock hard and laying against his stomach. He didn’t think he should be this excited to touch him. On that same coin however, he was hurting for Caius. His pelvis and hips marred by intense, still angry red scars. Up his shaft were several long scars as if someone had ran a blade up it.          
            Cai swallowed thickly and looked away, “Sorry… it must… We can stop.” He whispered as he moved for the blanket. Fenris however caught his hand and laced their fingers together. Slowly he crawled up him and then kissed his lips gently.   
            “It doesn’t… it angers me to know someone hurt you like that.” Admitted Fenris as he rested his nose bridge against Cai’s and took a deep breath.   
            “It can get a litt-” Cai sighed as he felt Fenris’ hand wrap around his shaft and give a slow stroke. “Sensitive…” he breathed before nuzzling against him and stroking his thigh.   
            Slowly, Fenris straddled Cai and gave a slow grind of his core against the other man’s shaft, his fluids already proving to be adequate. Caius’ throat released a soft sigh against before he moved his hands to Fenris’ hips and slowly slid them up over his lithe body.   
            The shape of Fenris was incredibly androgynous; he wasn’t curvaceous in the slightest. Something that Cai found himself admiring as he pulled his t-shirt up and off the bronze body. Exposing soft skin and opalescent lyrium markings to the moonlight flowing in through the blinds on the window, it forced Caius to hitch his breath as he took in just how beautiful the man he loved was. His lover’s chest had little to no volume to it, which made him momentarily wonder why he even bound, the thought was quickly chased away however when Fenris hugged himself and looked nervous.   
            “You alright?”  
            “You… are staring.” Ground out Fenris as he ran a hand through his hair, trying to hide the fact he had a fine blush dusted across his nose.   
            “Sorry, I can’t… really help it. You’re stunning.” Smirked Caius gently as he propped himself up on one elbow and used his free hand to tuck some stray starlight infused hair behind his pointed ear. “Literally the most beautiful existence I have ever seen.”  
            “Do you not mean ‘the most beautiful thing’ I have ever seen?” asked Fenris as he caught Cai’s hand and turned his face into the palm again.   
            “You’re not a thing.”   
            Fenris had to bite his lip to reign in the wave of emotion that had struck him then. That’s all he’d ever been treated as until he met Caius Hawke, was a thing. Suddenly, when he would have been happy to hear how he was such a special thing… Caius was here telling him how special he was because he _wasn’t_ a thing.   
            “It doesn’t… bother you?” asked Fenris as he leaned down to kiss Cai softly.   
            “What could possibly bother me?” he asked between pecks, his head lolling back as Fenris ground himself against his lover’s cock.   
            “That, I don’t have…” he drifted off as his brows furrowed and his teeth caught his bottom lip to stifle any sound while sliding against the slick he had created against Cai, who’s stomach tightened as he ran the fingers of his right hand through Fenris’ hair and deepened their kiss.   
            He broke away for air after several long moments of the repeated action and lazily gliding their tongues against each other, “No. As long as it’s you Fenris, I really couldn’t care less what’s inside your pants.” He smirked. That was it for Fenris; he was done with being frightened, if he was going to get a choice at anything in his life he was going to choose to let Cai be the first one to so intimately have him.   
            What his master, foster parent, Danarius wanted for him? He had no clue. He wasn’t going to let him ruin this for him however. He’d been forced into numerous things so far, all humiliating with fingers and tongues tasting his intimate places against his will, with his own mouth used as nothing more than a toy to pleasure Danarius’ own lust. Not this time…  
            This time, he was deciding who he did this with. To him, there was no better choice than Cai either, someone who loved him.

            It started slowly, with Cai laying on his side next to him with their foreheads together. He hadn’t thought that having his insides strokes would ever feel so elating. Cai’s fingers stroked him, slowly pressed into his opening before sliding back out and running over that sensitive bud at the top of his sex that had so many times been abused.   
            “You good?” asked Cai against Fenris’ mouth softly; his eyes barely opening to look into the viridian green pools that enchanted him. He nodded, as Cai slipped his slicked fingers from him and brought his hand up to look at it. Fenris blushed darker, noting the viscus liquid that nearly drenched his boyfriend’s hand. “May I?”   
            Fenris watched wide eyed as Cai tentatively licked at his fingers before looking at Fenris and giving a mischievous smirk. A Kiss was on his lips and Fenris moaned into his lover’s mouth as he tasted himself, not the first time he had… but definitely the only time he found himself wanting from it. Cai’s lips then left his to peck and nip at his jaw, then neck, over his chest where he stopped to lave his tongue over one pert nipple before sliding the wet tip of his tongue down his stomach till he was off the bed and on his knees.   
            Fenris’ scent was intoxicating to him, was it because he was in love? Or because Fenris was just naturally so attractive? He didn’t care as long as Cai got to keep Fenris to himself, as long as Fenris wanted him and him alone to be able to bring such feelings to his body. At the apex of his thighs Cai looked at the man’s sex and felt a wanting shiver run up his spine.   
            He didn’t remember ever being this wanting before. Hell he hadn’t even really been wanting when he’d dated the last time. Fenris was a whole new experience and Cai was happy to lose himself in it, hoping to never lose this feelings of loving someone so much their body was the only one that ignited a spark in him.   
            Slowly he spread Fenris’ thighs and then used a thumb to pull aside the flesh and expose more of Fenris’ body to him. When the male jerked at his tough Cai retracted his hands instantly and then looked at Fenris who pulled himself up to lean back on his hands and look at him.   
            Cai questioned him with a look, asking permission to touch again. Fenris nodded, giving a weak smile at the fact that he was being asked. Cai returned his hands to his lover’s legs before pressing his lips to the tender, white marked flesh of Fenris’ thigh, his brown eyes shining copper and sporting large dilated pupils. He wanted to do more, but he wouldn’t until Fenris gave him the okay. He was more than happy to watch Fenris come undone; he _wanted_ to watch him come undone.   
            He nodded, watching as Cai kissed a slow trail up his skin before pressing a kiss to his sex and giving a curious lick. He fell back at that and whimpered at the feeling of Cai’s tongue on him. All he remembered of such things were a slimy, sick feeling of being used and dirty. This feeling, the tightness in his chest and the haze in his head, along with the warmth in his gut was euphoric. This had to be what sex was supposed to feel like when it was wanted, consensual and willing with the right person.   
            As the larger male continued his feasting upon the smaller male Fenris began to lose all sense of what was going on around him, losing himself to the feeling of his lover’s mouth on his most sensitive areas. The tightness in his abdomen growing more and more as it continued, before he felt like something shattered. Lightning striking through his body and causing his muscles to tense, his toes to curl, his hands to grab Cai’s head and pull him tighter between his legs as his hips bucked.   
            He didn’t remember the details of much else after that, besides the slight pinch and of when Cai slowly slid home into him, the tight full feeling both painful and comforting. He was as physically close as he possibly could be to the large idiot man he called his. Cai’s lips chased every memory of something terrible away from him with tender kisses, his hands caressing his body and keeping him flush against him the entire time.   
            It had started awkwardly, with Cai and his ridiculous search for condoms. However, Fenris couldn’t think of a better first time… than smiling, laughing, and finally reaching his peak with Cai.

            Cuddling, something he never got tired of was even better when there was an “afterglow”. He decided this as he hugged Cai’s t-shirt around him tightly and sat up in bed, waiting for his lover to return from the kitchen.   
            He knew his face was flushed, his eyes half lidded, but he felt the smile on his face just as strongly as he did the “limp noodle” feeling of having such delightful climaxes. Sighing contently he nosed into the neck of Cai’s grey shirt and inhaled the comforting scent of rain, something slightly floral, and clean laundry.   
            “Okay! Water, for my one and only.” Grinned Cai as he returned to the bed and handed Fenris a glass of ice water. He then sat with a leg folded under him and took a long drink of his own glass. “You okay?” he questioned as soon as he had finished.   
            “More than okay.” Sighed Fenris as he set his glass aside onto the bedside table and then held his arms out to be held. Cai blessed him with yet another one of his light filled grins as he gathered him up into his arms.   
            “I’m glad, I enjoyed myself too.” He muttered to Fenris as he settled into the bed, not once letting go of the smaller figure he held so tightly to him.   
            “I could tell.” snorted Fenris as he settled his head under Cai’s chin and stroked at the male’s cotton covered chest.  
            “Oh? How?” asked Cai in the middle of a yawn.   
            “If you hadn’t you wouldn’t be smiling and loving me.”   
            “Oh I would still love you, just as much as I do now. That being with my entire heart, and soul, and mind, and existence.” He chuckled, a sigh coming from his nose as he rubbed at Fenris’ back to coax him to sleep.  
            “I am yours.” Fenris muttered as he felt sleep creeping over him, his body well relaxed; his mind and heart for the first time also at ease.   
            “I am yours, and only yours.”


	21. Chapter 21

            Her deadpanned gaze sent a chill up his spine that he didn’t understand. It wasn’t as if this woman were… okay maybe she was a little attractive. She wasn’t fit, she wasn’t even groomed… short hair standing on end in an unwashed Mohawk. She wore an oversized t-shirt and long black sweats… it wasn’t anything he would consider attractive. Or… at least he wouldn’t normally.  Something about her face and overall air made him react in a way similar to the forced reaction he used to feel when earning himself some funds.   
            “Meja! Don’t give him that look!” scolded the woman who had found him sitting on her step and panting.   
            “How can I not when you’re taking in yet another lost one?” asked the taller woman as the older one looked at her. “Remember what happened last time? We got burned, bad.”   
            “Not everyone is to be mistrusted.”  
            “Tell that to Grandma” she said before turning on heel and walking back into the back of her house. She turned left in the kitchen to what he was assuming was her room.   
            “Don’t mind her. She’s not exactly a social person.” laughed the woman awkwardly as she motioned for him to sit. “I never got your name…”  
            “Uh… Fenris…” he said awkwardly, sitting on the couch as she motioned. Up to him sauntered a fluffy black cat with a long face and large orange eyes. He gave a smirk and offered his hand to the feline, finding himself pleased when the cat rubbed his cheek against his long tanned fingers and then hopped up on the couch next to him.   
            “That would be baby Jakey.” Said the woman as she walked into the kitchen and fetched a bottle of water for him. “The best little host.”   
            “Hello.” Smirked Fenris as he ran his hand over the cat’s head and scratched his ears. “A very pleasant welcome indeed.”   
            “So… what’s your story?” asked the woman as she sat down, “Oh! And my name is Daere, you can call me Dee though, or Momma, everyone calls me Momma.”   
            “Because you insist on it.” grumbled the other woman, presumably daughter of Dee, as she walked into the kitchen with a large spotted cat on her shoulders and opened the fridge, refilling her drink, and then disappearing back into her room.   
            “I am a momma! I’m your momma!” cried Dee as she then turned to Fenris, “Sorry, that’s my Daughter Ange-”  
            “CAI!” called the other woman.  
            Dee sighed before she rolled her eyes and then looked at Fenris, “She hates her given name, chose this stupid name while she was with her last girlfriend.” huffed Dee as she waved her hand dismissively. “My daughter isn’t exactly friendly, I mean she’s a good girl and very sweet when she wants to be; but she’s weary of strangers.”  
            “A wise viewpoint.” shrugged Fenris as he relaxed a little. He didn’t feel a need to be so tense now… for some reason. Was it the air of the house? He couldn’t exactly tell… but the whole feeling around him screamed sanctuary.   
            “So what has you walking around with nothing to your name?” asked Dee as she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She was a shorter woman, full figured, middle ages, her dark hair holding strands of white. She wore a white t-shirt over denim capri-pants and a pair of purple framed glasses on her nose. She looked as friendly as she felt and was… he was thankful for that.   
            “Trouble.” He said softly. He still found it hard to talk about, running for three years, his hunters never giving up… it was wearing on the mind.   
            “Same reason you’re covered in those markings and have white hair but black eyebrows?” asked Dee as she motioned to his overall self.   
            “…yes… I apologize, my appearance must be odd.”  
            “I’m the mother of a Mage, trust me, odd is very normal around here…” she laughed.   
            Fenris tensed, “Your Daughter is a Mage?” he asked.   
            “A very talented one, best healer I’ve ever met. Though she has had too many tumbles with the wrong people, that girl actually goes up against blood mages and aliens. It’s no wonder she’s covered in scars and has no hope of ever finding a mate.” sighed Dee.   
            Fenris… was utterly confused, Cai was a mage, but fought other mages? “A healer?”   
            “Mmhmm, incredible skill. Got that from her father. Though he is good for nothing and worthless… I still worry she’ll go down that path. All she seems to do is stay in her room until that friend of hers shows up. Then she’ll be gone for days at a time leaving me completely worried for the safety of my only baby.” complained Dee as she rubbed her face.   
            He shifted his eyes towards the kitchen and imagined the young woman he’d seen fighting… he honestly couldn’t see it really. She wasn’t physically fit and he doubted she had enough skill to really impress him. He came from Tevinter, mages abound and the most powerful ones in all of Thedas had been his master’s neighbors.   
            “Enough about my troubles though, I imagine you’re tired, would you like something to eat? Perhaps a shower? Want me to wash your clothes for you?” she asked as she stood.   
            Fenris was pulled from his thought and looked down at his small pack. “I… only posess the clothes I am wearing.” He muttered hesitantly.   
            “Oh? Well go and find Meja and she’ll probably have something you can wear. My daughter has this idea in her head that she’s not a girl. So she buys some mens’ clothes.” Said the woman as she held out her hand for his pack. Fenris looked at her wearily before he opened it and pulled out a small package.   
            “Um… for the trouble.” He said gently, holding out the delicately wrapped package to Dee. The woman took it and opened it, revealing a fine scarf. Fenris had taken it on a whim, the pale flowers just striking his fancy.   
            “Oh, this is lovely! But I don’t mind taking you in mejito. If you want to give this to someone, try offering it to my daughter, might make her like you a bit.”   
            “Might?”   
            “She’s… hard to please.” laughed Dee awkwardly as she handed it back to him. “Want me to put your sword away?”   
            He hesitated, what should he say to that? He didn’t want his only weapon far from him… but it would be rude to ask to keep it nearby. He luckily didn’t have to open his mouth though as the one named Cai came from her room holding a stack of clothing.   
            “Put it just under the couch mum, he won’t dare try to harm us.” She growled as she stepped forward, looked up at him, and held out the clothing, “Will you elf?”   
            “No.” he said curtly, not appreciating her rough treatment of him. “Thank you…” he then said as he took the clothes from her hands gently and headed towards the bathroom, which he could see from where he stood.   
            “Be nice to him Meja…” sighed Dee as she scowled at her daughter.   
            Cai rose a brow, “I am, I’m allowing him to have shelter here, I’m letting him inside the barriers, I am hiding his presence. Those are lyrium markings mum, not just tattoos.”   
            “…Lyrium? Like…”   
            “Yes, Carved into him, probably by that sick bastard who has the bounty out for someone matching his description.” Huffed Cai, “No one will find him here, but don’t expect me to be any nicer than I already am. I’m providing shelter to someone who would very easily take your only offspring from you and bleed me dry for blood magic.”   
            “Stop talking like that Meja, no one will harm you.”  
            “You said the same thing about R-him…” snapped Cai as she glared at her mother, “That went over very well didn’t it?”


	22. Chapter 22

            He awoke groggily the next morning; the smell of food rousing him. When was the last time he had slept so deeply? He couldn’t remember… it was quite possible that he never had. This place was so peaceful, safe feeling. It really was a sanctuary, just yesterday he had seen people of various races and species come and go, all to see Cai.   
            He sat up, noticing a very large black cat on his legs, this one sleek… and a little fat. He smirked and ran his hand over the animal, earning himself a purr. The beast then jumped from his lap and ran over to a pale pair of feet in the kitchen. Fenris glanced up the figure to see Cai’s face. Her hair was clean, she looked freshly showered.   
            Standing he got out of bed and padded into the kitchen, “Good morning.”   
            “Morning.” She said curtly as she filled a bowl with porridge and handed it to him, before motioning to the counter behind her. “Put whatever you like in it.”   
            “Do… you have a problem with me?” asked Fenris as he stared at his food. He felt so unsure; he wanted to stay here, at least for a bit. This place felt so… wonderful.   
            “Not with you personally; my mother just forgets that people we usually care for more than medical aid and supplies tend to use us. She wants to help everyone she can… I guess that comes from her background as a chantry sister.” Explained Cai as she went back to filling little Styrofoam cups full of the cream colored meal.   
            “Your mother was a chantry sister?”  
            “Mmhmm.” Nodded Cai, “Seduced and used by my father, a lyrium and blood addicted mage. Not that magic was not in the family before that. My grandfather is a mage, as was his father, and his father, and his father.” She shrugged. “He left her as soon as he found out she was pregnant with me. Stole all her possessions of worth and took off.”   
            Fenris didn’t know what to say, stepping behind her he looked over what they had to add to the meal. He chose sugar, butter, and apples… and he had to admit, he was a little excited to see that they had both red and green.   
            “I won’t… I won’t take advantage. I will leave as soon as you want me to.” he said softly, unsure of how to speak to the woman. Turning he jumped a little to see her face.   
            “You may stay as long as you like. I know who you are, and I’ll be damned if I let one of _his kind_ hurt someone else.” She told him firmly before turning back to her work. “You can earn your keep by helping me.”   
            He relaxed a little further then, and he couldn’t help but notice just how strong Cai looked when she stood there. Her shoulder blade showing through the dark fabric of her t-shirt and how her brown eyes focused in on her task from behind red colored frames. “Thank you.”   
            “No problem, now go eat and rest, your exhaustion is showing.” She smirked at him, her eyes looking at him from over her glasses. He felt the hair on the back of his neck stand before he gave a smirk and turned to return to the living room.

            He slept more after his breakfast. He only woke when Cai kneeled next to him and shook his shoulder gently. She held out a drink for him which he smelled. “To help you absorb more nutrients.” She told him softly. He looked at the green liquid before back at her and then drank it. He found it quite pleasant. She just smiled, “I noticed you liked apples, so I made sure to flavor it as such.   
            “I… appreciate that.” he yawned as he moved his wrist to cover his mouth. Cai then took the cup and motioned for him to lay back down. “Miss Cai?”   
            “Cai is fine kiddo.” smirked the woman as she turned back and looked at him. He was surprised to see her dressed. A pair of long jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt with the arms pushed to her elbows, a long sweater vest open and showing that it had many pockets all of which were full of various items. Her hair was pulled back and out of her face in a scarf, and she was without her glasses. Honestly, he found her to be… very pleasing on the eyes.   
            “Kiddo? You can’t be much older than me.”  
            “How old are you then?”   
            “…I have no idea.”   
            Cai laughed and smirked at him, she held out her hand and he felt the familiar spark of magic, it hurt for a split second… something he was used to. However he wasn’t used to the feeling that followed it, warm, soothing, and comforting… was this the sensation of magic that someone good possessed?   
            “Mmm, about twenty four, same as I. If you’re ever interested I can do a reading, give you a more in depth information.” She shrugged as her hands went into her pockets. “Rest up, I’ll need you at full health soon.”   
            “For what exactly?” he asked. Settling back into the comfortable couch and holding the blankets to him. He so easily found comfort here; it lulled him into sleep quickly.   
            Cai gave him a soft smile, “Oh… something I think you will enjoy greatly.” He looked at her and piqued an eyebrow before settling down again and lifting his arms above his head. The sun on him felt great as he settled back into the comfortable fabric and let himself get drifted back to sleep.

            Dinner can soon enough; he woke up to Dee talking loudly to Cai. Fenris opened his eyes and groaned, a hand coming to his head before he yawned again and moved his hand to cover his mouth. Sitting up he rubbed his eyes and watched.   
            “No.”  
            “Oh! But Meja! He’s a good guy! I has a job, he’s handsome, he likes you!” she complained as she followed Cai around, who was setting the table.   
            Cai looked irritated, “No one is going to marry me out of love mum, they only want to appease you.”   
            “Why would they want to appease me?”         
            “To appease Grandpa? Who is a very powerful mage at the head of the Antivan Mage congress? Or perhaps to appease Grandma? Who is a powerful Duchess and leader of the trader’s guild?”   
            Dee scowled, “People would like you for more than that if you would just... I don’t know… be cute? Act like a girl? Stop with this saving people nonsense? Forget what happened and just move on?”  
            “Yeah, because it’s that easy, just forget being kidnapped, raped, drained of blood and then healed to be used over and over to satisfy an addiction? End up pregnant only to miscarry and then have everyone say you failed at the one thing you were supposed to be able to do well?” asked Cai as she rounded on her mother. “Drop it.”   
            Dee deflated before she rubbed the back of her neck and turned, seeing Fenris awake. He sat wide eyed at having heard what he’d heard. That certainly explained the gruff nature of Cai… he knew a thing or two about what had happened to her, not exactly… but he knew a similar pain.   
            “Meja, Hush! You woke Fenris.”  
            “Let him hear, what good does it do any of us to keep it hidden? Now he knows why I hunt maleficars and other dangerous people.” She snapped at Dee before she looked at Fenris. He saw how she stared at him, daring him to say something about her. He only stood and gave her the softest look he could manage.   
            It surprised him when her face turned red and she turned from him sharply, her eyes had begun to well with tears. “Dinner is ready, I will not be joining.” She snapped before hurrying into her room and closing the curtain.   
            Fenris watched after her, feeling much more connected with the woman than he had anyone else. Dee sighed before she began to ramble about how ungrateful her daughter was, and Fenris tuned it out… his thoughts on the look of pain on her face.


	23. Chapter 23

            “So is that a common occurrence?” asked the elf as he leaned in the doorway of Cai’s room. The next morning had been peculiarly silent; apparently a common thing after Dee attempted to edge her daughter onto moving on with her life.   
            “Indubitably.” huffed Cai as she sat at the desk in her room and stared at the screen before her, a colorful work in progress of art being slowly put together digitally. Fenris smirked and coughed, Cai ignored him, he made the same noise again, louder. She then turned and scowled at him, “What? Want an invitation?” she asked.   
            He shrugged, “Upon entering a lady’s room… it’s usually considered polite?” he questioned.   
            “If you’re looking for a lady, search somewhere else.” She groused then as she turned back to the screen, “I’m not even close, just some broken piece of shit trash to be the entertainment of others’ ire.” Her mood was indeed foul.   
            He had no one else to go to however. Being on the run did have that effect on people, it made them quite lonely. Not that he’d noticed this until he’d actually started to sit and speak to others. Talking with Dee at dinner last night had made him see it… it was nice, pleasant conversation over food.   
            Now he wanted to know the other being in the house, the one that seemed to be the backbone of the community here. He didn’t have to witness it specifically, he could feel it now. She alone was supporting the various barriers and other magical deterrents all over this neighborhood. She was feeding the weak, sad, and sickly. She was purging her home of the dangerous to those whom she cared form. Quite a feat he wasn’t sure even if his former master could have accomplished.   
            Finally, he entered the room and crossed to sit on her bed. “I’m feeling much better today, if you wanted to go and complete those tasks you spoke of yesterday.”   
            “Good, unfortunately I am not in the state of mind to accomplish such tasks. Tomorrow will be better… hopefully.” She grumbled as her hand colored in the unseen lines on the electronic tablet under her hand.   
            He felt the twitch of his ears then, “What is there to be done today then?”   
            “Rest, magic is tedious enough without doing it while in a foul mood. Can lead to mistakes… or worse.” her eyes still unmoving from the screen.   
            Fenris furrowed his brows before he just slid down to the floor and sat there, it was several long moments before he spoke again. “Did… is that really what your past is?” he questioned.   
            “Every gruesome and undetailed moment you can imagine.”  
            He nodded slowly and looked at his hands, which he had been absent mindedly picking at the nails of. “I’m sorry.”  
            “It wasn’t your fault.”   
            “No… but I know a similar pain.”  
            She stopped then and put down the pen in her hand, before turning in her chair and looking at him. “Do you wish to talk of it?”   
            “No.”  
            “Are you sure? It often helps… or so I’m told.”  
            “Have you talked about your pain?”  
            “No… no one to really listen.”  
            He swallowed thickly before leaning his head back against the fabric of her mattress, “I would be willing…”  
            He was surprised when she just gave a weak smile. “I wouldn’t hurt someone as sweet as you with my nightmares.”   
            “Yet you offer yourself to hear of mine?”  
            “It’s what I do, I’m a healer. I heal others while I slowly let myself rot and decay from the unseen wounds to my heart, soul, and mind.” Her shoulders rose into a shrug before she leaned back in her chair. “That’s what one does, when they want to help everyone.”  
            “Seems very unfair.”  
            “Quite… but worth it.”  
            “How so?”  
            “I get to see others smile… despite my pain.”  
            “You smile…”  
            “Of course, I may be broken and have no future, but I still find happiness in healing others.”  
            “So you just… what? Ignore your own wounds?” he asked curiously.   
            She smirked, “Pretty much. Wounds like mine need a different kind of healing, one I can’t provide for myself. Not that I would heal myself anyways… that’s one of the first steps into becoming addicted to magic, using it on one’s self.”  
            “Explains Tevinter…”   
            She nodded then before turning back in her chair, “You are welcome to seek my company whenever needed.” Her tone was absolute and void of any room for argument. He nodded then, before he looked behind him at her bed. Slowly, he rose and then laid himself down on the soft sheets.   
            They didn’t speak further, he rested in her sheets; the smell of citrus and clean lulling him into a dozing state as he occasionally faded between sleep and watching her. She just continued to draw, her eyes blinking only occasionally as she stared at the screen before her. With that however, he was left with only his thoughts while his mind was active.

            _She’s… bright.  
            _ She was bright; it was just something someone could tell when they looked at her. She spoke clearly, her voice strong… like she never wavered.

            _It feels good here…_  
            It felt like… he didn’t know how to describe it. It was comforting, both cooling to his wounds and warming to his heart. He’d only been there two days and he already was considering the idea of maybe trying to stay here for a long time. Nowhere else had ever felt so comforting to him. Though he couldn’t tell if it was because of Dee’s welcoming nature… or her daughter’s familiarity.        


	24. Chapter 24

            Fenris raised an eyebrow as he watched Cai. The woman certainly had a way with dealing with blood mages, slavers, unruly mercenaries, pretty much anything that threatened the safety of the small town she lived in. Population one hundred and forty, one hundred miles from the nearest city, middle of the wilderness, Fenris had been starting to wonder if he had been stupid to choose this place in the beginning to run to. He’d come here though and Dee had found him resting outside her door in the sweltering summer heat however. Here was definitely somewhere good to rest for a while, Cai kept this community safe… and he found himself considerably closer to her the more he spent time with her.   
            Now? He watch Cai line up a shot with a sniper rifle. Her eyes open, hyper focused in like a hawk. He hadn’t known she knew how to use a gun… she rarely seemed like the type. He certainly didn’t, bullets were always something he tried to avoid, and luckily for him most mages didn’t feel a need for them however.   
            Cai was different though, his first outing with her to do more than make house visits to the sick, she was already surprising him when she handed him a pistol. Unfortunately… he didn’t know how to shoot a gun. Her soft smile at him when he told her that left him feeling warmth in his heart before she told him they’d do it the easy way then.   
            He knew she liked to play a sniper in the video games she had. He’d been blessed with the chance to watch her play. He’d been shocked beyond belief when she began teaching him how. Now they played a lot of the games together, which of course left him once again feeling close to her. Her sniping in games was superb… he hadn’t realized it was because she could do it in real life.   
            “Which one loses their head first?” she asked softly, staring through her scope. “Care to choose Fenris?”   
            He laughed under his breath, slavers, and ones that worked for his former master as well. “I believe the one there with the cigarette is someone I met once.” His voice low. He watched as the hair on the back of her neck visibly stood on end, the hair on her head beginning to as well before he scooted a little closer to her. “Care to deliver my revenge?”   
            Cai looked up from her scope and gave him a soft look, “Only if you really wish for me to.” she told him softly. He swallowed thickly at that. Cai wasn’t someone who most would call radiant. However all he could see was how she was. She was beautiful, in a different way than the other people he had seen. He found himself weaker and weaker against her every day and the strangest thing was, he was only happy to feel more closeness to her.   
            “I do.” he told her, leaning in, opening grinning when she blushed deeply and then turned back to her scope. That always amused him, how she did her best to hide the way she felt about him… but utterly failed. He liked that she couldn’t hide her honest feelings when it came to affections.   
            She calmed herself then and he turned to watch. It was a second of the slaver who had once shot at him standing with his head and laughing to the five others with him. Then suddenly his head was missing with a muffled crack; his companions panicking as they looked for the one who had shot him, before another lost their head. It was over, in just over a minute. And he was staring with his mouth open.   
            “What?” she asked as she pulled from her scope and looked at him.   
            He turned and gazed at her, “You are… very good at that.”  
            “Eh, mediocre at best. You should see my cousin.” She shrugged before he stood and began to follow her back into the thick woods.

            “Are you… planning to stay here for a while then?” asked Cai as she lead the way back into their town.   
            He rose his eyes from where he was watching his feet and looked at the back of her head, “I… was hoping you wouldn’t mind…”  
            “Not at all. I just was wondering if I should start planning meals for three. Maybe think about finding you somewhere with your own bed instead of my couch.”  
            “I enjoy…” he started before drifting off. How exactly did he say what he wanted to say without seeming like he wanted to impose on her. At his words she stopped and turned to look at him. “I feel…” he started again and then stopped. “I do not wish…” he then growled, frustrated.   
            She began to laugh, softly, her hand over her mouth. “You want to stay in my house?” she asked. Her eyes bright and full of the unsuppressed laughter.   
            “Yes.”  
            “Well, you are certainly close to my mother…”   
            “It is not your mother I wish to remain close to…”   
            “Mmm.” Was the noise she made before giving him a discrediting look.   
            He scowled, “Your mother is a very nice woman. However, she is not the one I seem to find myself enjoying my time with.”  
            “Ahha.” Her tone was still unbelieving as she began to walk.  
            Fenris sighed heavily, “Difficult woman.” He breathed before catching up to her and then stopping in front of her, his eyes begging her to understand.   
            The look he was giving her made her face turn bright red. “Oh… well then…”   
            “Please… allow me to remain by your side. I enjoy following you.”   
            She then seemed to choke on emotion before covering her face. “Why do you have to be so damned irresistible? Spirits be damned for giving you that voice!”  
            “This voice?” he teased, stepping close to her and making sure to lower his tone suggestively. “Is this the voice you speak of?”   
            “Gahh!” she wailed before dodging around him and bolting for it. He quickly pursued her, a wide grin on his face matching the laughter she rang out.   
            Yes, he couldn’t think of a better reason to stay here than her.


End file.
